There follows a short guide to the role of ginger twats in the long and celebrated history of the United Kingdom of Great Britain and Northern Ireland. Most of these characters will be known to you. Some contemporary, some legendary figures lost in the mists of antiquity. One thing on which we can all agree is that each, however small and insignificant their role, contributed immeasurably to the general mirth and merriment of the non-ginger members of the populace of this great nation.
1) Ethelred the Unready
Was he ready? Was he fuck. Useless twat.
2) Elizabeth the first (aka Good Queen Bess)
Brushed her teeth with brickdust and had a bath twice a year. Total mentallist or what.
3) Mick Hucknall
'Bunnies too Tight too Mention' and 'Holding Back the Ears'* were two of Mick's more popular poptastic ditties. *thanks Joel Veitch
4) Bamber Gasgoine
The photo of this ginger twat is a bit blurred. Thank god. Starter for 10? No thanks.
5) The Proclaimers
' If I could walk 10,000 miles.....' Go right ahead lads. Just make sure that it's in the opposite direction to me.
An ex plumper believed to reside in the north west of England. Chief Superintendent Birtwhistle O'Toole of Greater Manchester Police has advised that; ' Cakesniffer should be approached with extreme caution. She has been known to mug non ginger members of the public and plagiarize their intellectual property'. I do not currently have a photo of this fiend to hand but will upload a police identikit embellished with orange crayon when I can find the time.
As we look backward into the mists of antiquity (that's enough mists of Antiquity - Ed) and gaze with trepidation into the unknown future, we can rest assured that the ginger gene is recessive. The future will not, thank god, be ORANGE.