£4,000 o.n.o
Alas, my Captain Ahab days are at an end. No more shall this blogger sail the wide and briny oceans; engage in armed altercations with Thai pirates on the South China Sea, slumber beneath a rustling palm tree in the arms of a dusky Polynesian maiden, or land $50,000 bales of cocaine on a deserted and pristine Hebridean beach.
The old girl really has to go. I have grown immune to her charms, and she hasn’t dipped her keel in the sea for over two years. It was a brief and rewarding infatuation, a torrid but ultimately shallow affair that has now run aground. There shall be no hard feelings, and the circumstances of our parting amicable.
I have decided to use the proceeds from her sale to purchase a Landrover. This will necessitate the adoption of a Golden Retriever, and the wearing of a deerstalker hat. I imagine that I will look quite the country squire, although there is a slim possibility that small boys will point at me and shout ‘who’s that twat?’
The old dear is for sale for a very reasonable £4,000. With a touch of mascara and some new war paint I have no doubt that she will prove a credit to her new owner. Any blogger who wishes to purchase her will be reassured to learn that I accept all major international credit and charge cards.
Any prospective North American purchasers can easily reach Scotland by a 4/5 hour flight. At a stupendous top speed of eight knots, it should only take three weeks or thereabouts to complete the return journey. I am sure that the old girl would draw many admiring glances at Key Largo, or a swanky marina in New England.
Aristocratic class will always out. Better a stained and crumpled suit cut by Gieves and Hawkes of Saville Row than an immaculate new seersucker suit in wrinkle free fabric rustled up by a greasy Italian in New Jersey.
The old girl really has to go. I have grown immune to her charms, and she hasn’t dipped her keel in the sea for over two years. It was a brief and rewarding infatuation, a torrid but ultimately shallow affair that has now run aground. There shall be no hard feelings, and the circumstances of our parting amicable.
I have decided to use the proceeds from her sale to purchase a Landrover. This will necessitate the adoption of a Golden Retriever, and the wearing of a deerstalker hat. I imagine that I will look quite the country squire, although there is a slim possibility that small boys will point at me and shout ‘who’s that twat?’
The old dear is for sale for a very reasonable £4,000. With a touch of mascara and some new war paint I have no doubt that she will prove a credit to her new owner. Any blogger who wishes to purchase her will be reassured to learn that I accept all major international credit and charge cards.
Any prospective North American purchasers can easily reach Scotland by a 4/5 hour flight. At a stupendous top speed of eight knots, it should only take three weeks or thereabouts to complete the return journey. I am sure that the old girl would draw many admiring glances at Key Largo, or a swanky marina in New England.
Aristocratic class will always out. Better a stained and crumpled suit cut by Gieves and Hawkes of Saville Row than an immaculate new seersucker suit in wrinkle free fabric rustled up by a greasy Italian in New Jersey.
Good looking boat. Good for you, too, that you kept it ashore and didn't leave it to rot at dock. I hate seeing a once-nice cruiser half sunk from seaweed and marine worms and going to hell.
ReplyDeleteYes, but will it float?
ReplyDeleteOh, its ok Garfy. I didnt see the wheels there.
ReplyDeleteTheir a bit small though.
I'm impressed that you know the name of a Saville row suitmaker!
ReplyDeleteAnd didn't you go through a Landrover phase already? I thought I recalled reading that you had one and got rid of it because only old gits and twats drove them? Am I mistaken?
You're not an old git yet at a mere 39 and I'd never stoop so low as to call you a twat. So what gives?
What will Oscar say to the adoption of a "stupid dog"?
ReplyDelete*no offense to the dog lovers out there. Cats instinctively know that they are superior beings.*
I will do my best to be amused by that.
ReplyDeleteSniff.
4,000 pounds... A bit too expensive for me. However, should you get that please remember the Pissoff New Car Fund which would be happy to store your money in the meantime.
ReplyDeleteI am always happy to assist the poverty stricken in uncivilised developing nations.
ReplyDeleteI could contribute £1, or some old socks, if that would help.