Ocean Finance

Parasitic Bastards

I have a deeply held and longstanding hatred of all banks and lending institutions. I know they are essential to the economy, and that we couldn't live without them, but that doesn't alter the fact that they are blood sucking parasites that make vast sums of money off all our backs.

What really gets my goat is their insistence that they want to be our friends. No they fucking don't. What they really want to do is tether us for life and squeeze as much cash out of us as possible. Do my 'friends' charge me £35 to write a letter advising me that I am £5 overdrawn?

The most annoying of the loathsome bunch are Ocean Finance. If you ever tune in to the Sky repeat channels you must have come across their revolting adverts. Ocean Finance are what is known as 'sub-prime' lender. This means that they lend money to people with poor credit histories or CCJ's. As these people are deemed to be high risk they are charged inflated rates of interest. That really makes sense doesn't it? The poorest and most vulnerable are charged more than the rest of us. They consolidate overdraft and credit card debt into one 'single easily affordable repayment'. There is of course a catch. The loan is secured on your home. Default and you are evicted.

If people have serious debt problems they can go to a Citizens Advice Bureau. They will contact the lenders to negotiate lower rates of repayment over an agreed period. Firms like Ocean Finance continually splashing themselves over the airwaves are trying to hook the most vulnerable. They offer that simple easy solution. Is it any wonder people fall for it.

What really irritates me is their adverts. You can just imagine their marketing director sitting down and thinking: 'I know, we'll have a hunt through our files and find our lumpiest, most common clients. As long as their loan isn't too big, we'll offer to write it off if they appear on TV telling everyone how great we are'. Cynical bastards.

The people they choose are supposed to be representative of the man on the street. The thing is, they aren't. They sit perched on their World of Leather sofas looking decidedly odd. One guy has greasy black hair parted in the centre, an olive complexion and a sarf London accent. He is clearly an alien. They tell us that; 'Those people at Ocean Finance are really easy to talk to'. Of course they're easy to talk to. I'd be easy to talk to if I could lend someone money at 6% above base over 10 years and get security on their house.

DIE OCEAN FINANCE DIE!