Saturday, July 14, 2007

Ogden's Nut Gone Flake

We males do have some good points, chief amongst which is our aerodynamic form. This obviously does not apply to beer swilling salad dodgers; but for those of us with torsos like Michaelangelo's David the effects of friction are minimal. Women have to many sticky outy and pointy bits to compete with us in the walking briskly towards the pub stakes.

As for interests, everyone knows that all women have an unhealthy obsession with handbags and shoes. The alligator population know this to their cost: it's no wonder the warty reptiles live in a state of permanent disgruntlement. We men have healthy interests, principally: Swiss watches, pornography, and sheds.

Of these, sheds is obviously the most important. There's actually a bit of a cross over between sheds and porn. Back in the days before the full cornucopia of grunting, heaving, and atrocious dialogue was available with just a few clicks, the shed performed a vital function as a repository for the secret stash of jazz mags. All small boys knew this, and would happily while away many an hour sitting on a tea chest leafing through forbidden delights while Uncle Dave was playing golf. Ah, the innocence.

Thankfully the love of the shed is alive and well. The work of some of the finest exponents of shedness may be viewed here. All power to the Shedii. The force is strong with them.

I'm off down to my shed at the bottom of the garden to smoke a pipeful of Ogden's Nut Gone Flake. I'm sure there's some 12 year old malt left in that weedkiller bottle concealed behind the jam jars full of washers and grommets.

Happy days.


jungle jane said...

i love my shed! i hang out in it at weekends all the time. i also like hanging out in the loo. its warm and dark in there. and it smells nice.

MJ said...

Aerodynamic form?

Have you just had a bikini wax?

garfer said...

Why not plumb your shed JJ? It'll be just like a dunny and remind you of diggerland.

I am naturally hairless and sleek MJ. There's no trace of neanderthal about my person.

jungle jane said...

Great idea garfer. ohhh i am going to run off and take some laxatives too. tonight is going to rock!

garfer said...

Forget the laxatives. A doner kebab is tastier and does the same job.

Just think of the lovely grease running down your chin.

S.I.D. said...

I'm afraid to go into my shed,for reasons I shall discuss at a later date.

garfer said...

I assume you keep some mad relatives in your shed.

Don't worry, their life insurance will set you up.

First Nations said...

i saw something nasty out in the shed once.

Gledwood said...

yeah but it's only from women's point of view that men are beasts etc. otherwise we are just normal and they are wierd

hey i put you in my links now. hope all's ok with u