Wednesday, April 26, 2006

Flash those Gnashers

I fear that I am turning into an outraged coffin dodger from Leamington Spa. I haven’t started reading the Daily mail, or playing crown green bowling, but elements of my character are displaying signs of “say that again and I’ll boot you in the balls”.

I’m convinced that the BBC News is responsible. They used to have proper print trained journalists who had probably earned their dues bayoneting Greek Cypriots, smoking cheroots, and wiring dispatches while too hung over to piss straight.

These days they’re all recruited from provincial television. If they can read in a suitably patronising manner from the autocue, while flashing their immaculately groomed molars at the camera, then they are perfectly qualified for the job. They even have cute little notebook computers on their desks, presumably to convey an air of journalistic competence.

The economics presenter appears to have strayed in from a Janet and John book, interviewing mongs outside Littlewoods to convey the economic pulse of the nation. Christ, they even have a weather forecaster who looks like a puppet, his gestures depicting showery days like a marionette on amphetamine.

What we need is a Reginald Bosanquet (the pissed British version of Walter Cronkite), or, at the very least, Anna Ford with a few under chin tweaks.

I’m no stickler for tradition, but I don’t see why I should have to tolerate wanker vision. We have enough Fox News (gag) and CNN (rolling boredom) as it is. Public Service broadcasting should ignore the fuckwits, and bludgeon the ignorant with the facts in a dispassionate manner. I’m sure that Lord Reith would have agreed with me.


Wyndham said...

The BBC's local news is the worst. Wall-to-wall morons wearing too much make-up emphasising all the wrong words.

Fuckkit said...

Channel 5 news amuses me, perching their presenters precariously on the edge of a desk thus forcing them to wear clean trousers.

Betty said...

I presume you're referring to Daniel Corbett, the Ian Curtis of weather forecasting. Careful with those windmilling arms, Daniel!

I've never trusted the BBC news ever since I switched on in the middle of a reporter saying "... spread the poison. This is Robin Oakley for BBC News, Oxford".

Evil little man.

Sniffy said...

It really fucks me off when they inject emotion end editorial licence into news reports. It's supposed to be impartial, for fuck's sake. Nobheads.

I love Anna Ford and Moira Stewart (you only ever got a smile from Moira on Christmas Day - now THAT's a news reporter for you!).

The ones we have these days are nothing better than children's TV presenters without the primary colour dungarees and spiky hair.

Useless fuckers.

I like Daniel Corbett though. I'm a hypocrite.

And why can't they sit down? Why do they have to walk around in front of Powerpoint presentations that show absolutely nothing? Tossers.

Arabella said...

Daniel Corbett sounds sweet. Is he any relation?
I spent the first year over here laughing hysterically at American news 'presenters'. No one reads the news; it is played out in the fashion of mummers with nodding, facial expressions, hammy modulation, and slowly, as if we are infants. The women are orange and the men are beige.
I can't watch any more.
Weather presenters did provide entertainment in Florida hurricane season though; there's always someone willing to report 'live', in an anorak, tied to a lamp post
while armchairs fly past.

First Nations said...

the relationship you develop with your morning news lineup is an important one. you have to wake up with these people. perkiness and news is a deadly combo.

Kyahgirl said...

Stop watching the news altogether. I did that years ago, best thing I ever did. Its all balled up anyway.

S.I.D. said...

The shipping forecast is much more informative.

Sexy too. (but only when its a womans voice of course)

Steve said...

Sure, the news sucks these days, but you've got to admit that the weather guy on the six o'clock news who is clearly a frustrated actor is the most entertaining man on television just now.

You know the one I mean. I can't remember his name just now, but he's the one with the spiky hair.

Rowan said...

sadly, you might have a point there.