Monday, January 30, 2006


The interesting thing about the above photo of Yankee mongs pigging out at Pizza Hut is that only one member of the party has opted for the (relatively) healthy salad bowl option.

No one can claim that Pizza Hut pizzas are a health food. The bases are pumped up with saturated fats in order to produce a pleasant mouth feel. Then there is the abomination that is the stuffed crust pizza; a method of further boosting the calorie count, while presumably making diners feel virtuous because they eat their crusts instead of leaving them on the side of their plate.

I have to admit to a shameful addiction to Pizza Hut buffet lunches. I walk along the street and gaze into bistro windows. I think to myself: “that toasted ciabatta with melted buffalo mozzarella, Parma ham, and baby plum tomatoes drizzled with extra virgin olive oil and balsamic vinegar looks damn tasty”. I then turn on my heels, walk into Pizza Hut and demand a buffet lunch with salad bowl and a glass of Pepsi. I just can’t help it.

I’ve been attempting to divine the true source of my addiction, and I think I’ve nailed it. It’s not the pizza, which tastes the way a supermarket pizza would if cooked in a proper pizza oven. If I want an authentic thin crust pizza I go to an Italian Restaurant or a Pizza Express.

It’s not the salad either; it’s three specific components of the salad. These are, in order of importance: fake bacon crunchy bits, Thousand Island dressing, and the little cubes of pickled beetroot. I just adore the crunchy texture and the explosion of tangy flavours on my taste buds. This may have something to do with the desensitisation of my taste buds caused by years of smoking.

I’ve decided to go cold turkey on Pizza Hut buffet lunches. My methadone shall be substitute fake crunchy bacon bits, Thousand Island dressing, and pickled beetroot purchased from the supermarket. Hopefully I can wean myself off the hard stuff in this manner.

Wish me luck.


Ship Creak said...

Hot buffet lunches - hrgghrgrhgrhgrh.

Shame they don't do them on the weekends though.

S.I.D. said...

Shhh garfer...

Fake bacon...?

You want patches or gum?

suburban wonder said...

Do you know what else you need? Chick peas. If I have your three ingredients and chick peas, it's a perfect meal. Mmmmmm. I think it's time to open a can.

pissoff said...

I just had myself a Pizza Hut on Friday. Unfortunately, one of the girls at work forgot her purse in the office and I had to go open up for her again. This made my crust somewhat soggy and the whole experience somewhat anticlimatic.

MHN for short said...

I had no idea that Pizza Hut was across the pond.

Good Lord, is there nowhere an American company won't go????

Really, I love their Chicago style pizza (with the extra sauce on top of the cheese.) Tasty!

garfer said...

We have all varieties of junk food over here.
That and 20,000,000 Starbucks outlets.

Canute said...

"This made my crust somewhat soggy and the whole experience somewhat anticlimatic."

Don't you just hate it when that happens?

funny thing said...

I love Pizza Hut food. It's disgusting and laden with fat... which is the criteria for a gorgeous spread.

Unfortunately the old adage applies; a moment on the lips, a lifetime on the arse.

Sniffy said...

I love Pizza hut pizzas, they're different to Italian pizzas, but that's what you expect. If you wanted an italian pizza, you'd have one.

Anyway, for some reason, my PC has only just woken up to the fact that a load of people published new posts last night, so I'm just catching up now.

Pile of shit.

MHN for short said...

Yeah, the whole "Starbuck's is taking over the world" thing must be true because they are flipping EVERYWHERE!

Geeze, how many cups of WAY OVER PRICED coffee can we all drink?!?

Frankly, we buy the mix cappucino stuff from Sam's. It's really tasty & only cost about a nickle a cup. My kind of coffee. :-D