Tuesday, January 17, 2006

Tayto


The news that the British institution, Golden Wonder crisps, had been forced into administration produced many glum faces. The upstart Walkers crisps, part of the evil Nabisco food conglomerate, has used marketing muscle to do down the plucky British snack producer beloved of millions.

I was gratified to learn that a knight on shining armour is to ride to the rescue. Northern Irish crisp manufacturer, Tayto, is to take over the Golden Wonder factories and resume battle against the evil interloper.

Tayto have a secret weapon that has the potential to send Nabisco home with a bloody nose. That weapon is a secret recipe for cheese and onion crisp flavouring. I grew up eating Tayto cheese and onion crisps, and still suffer cravings every now and then. It’s not just the flavouring; the crisps have a unique texture and aroma.

Northern Ireland knows a few things about the humble spud and its uses. The standard spud used to produce Walkers crisps is a poor relation of the superior tuber used by Tayto.

Let battle commence. It’s about time a multi-national received a kick in the balls.

13 comments:

GreatSheElephant said...

don't you mean a hoof in the spuds?

garfer said...

Same difference.

Sniffy said...

Let's all boycot Walkers shite. I'm sure we get Taytos over here too. It's Golden Wonder from now on! How can there be a world without Monster Munch and Nik Naks?

Put down those bags of shit and pick up a Golden Wonder multipack today! Or tayto, or whoever.

garfer said...

Pickled onion Monster Munch is vital for the wellbeing of this nation.

My personal gesture is to boycott Cheesy Wotsits.

Someone has to make a stand.

S.I.D. said...

No, you don't get THE Tayto cheese and onion over there Tina.

That is reserved for the Gods over here.

Great post garfer,they are Paradise in a plastic packet and living quite near to their castle we get the cream of the crop.

Tayto and Tunnocks forever.

Merkin said...

What I liked about Golden Wonder is that they had the correct colour packets for flavours. Everyone knows green=cheese and onion and blue=Salt and vinegar, but Walkers insist on the wrong way round. I hope Tayto keep up the tradition. To be sure.

garfer said...

Tina made exactlty the same point a few days ago.

Spinsterella said...

I think I must be the only person from Northern Ireland who isn't obsessed by Tayto.

They're actually one of the few foods that I don't like.

Sorry for not rallying to the cause - Norn Iron doesn't exactly have a lot else going for it...

suburban wonder said...

Makes me wish I knew what the hell you lot are on about. Tayto? Walkers? Pickled onion Monster Munch? Sounds obscene.

They're just crisps, for fuck's sake! It's not like you're talking Cheez Doodles or anything. I can see getting your dander up over Cheez Doodles.

Sniffy said...

Fucking hell Bronwen, you just don't get it, do you? This may seem like pathetic whinging about the pathetic subject of crisps, but to us, it's much more important.

Defending the underdog is what being British is all about. It's our tendency for worrying about shitty little, seemingly irrelvant crap like crisps, for fighting for what is fair and right, that means that we worry and fight for what is fair and right on a much bigger scale. The British see a little guy getting a kicking (Golden Wonder, Tayto, Belgium, Poland) and they step in, make a stand, no matter how big (Walkers, Germany, oh, and Germany again) the enemy is.

garfer said...

We also have a tendency to despise high achievers.

We are probably more prone to class envy than any other developed nation.

suburban wonder said...

Umm, Tina - tongue was firmly in cheek, my girl. I guess I forgot you couldn't see my wry expression over the internet. I know all about cheering for the Underdog. Relax. Have a packet of Nik Naks.

Sniffy said...

Oh Bronwen, mine too!

And I found out today that Monster Munch are made by fucking Walkers!