Saturday, August 12, 2006

Kippered


I like a nice kipper. A bony morsel it may be, but grilled with a little butter it is a real delicacy, especially if it’s an Arbroath smokie; the true aristocrat of the smoked fish world.

I take a different view of guests who decide to have a bumper kipper breakfast on the day of their departure. The lingering fishy odour they leave in their wake is impervious to even the strongest air fresheners and odour neutralisers. It is to my immense chagrin that I have to escort new guests into a log cabin that smells like Long John Silver’s underpants after a month on a pirate ship.

I watch their nostrils twitch as they trade brief glances. They don’t actually say anything, but I know they suspect that the previous occupant must have suffered from colostomy bag leakage. I pre-empt any potential complaints by launching into my ‘logs absorb odours and the fishy smell will soon dissipate' spiel. I know they don’t believe me.

I put out a heartfelt appeal to all holidaymakers. THINK BEFORE YOU KIPPER.

Some of us have to suffer the consequences of your self indulgence.

12 comments:

MHN for short said...

I hope that is a picture of filleted kippers. It looks kinda gross, but then I'm a girlie-girl about such things.

The left over fish smell is nasty, but not as bad as the dead animal rotting in the attic smell. That's enough to kill ya.

garfer said...

I have several Poles in my attic, two Muslims, and a Rastafarian who speaks fluent Sanskrit.

I need to find scheme of work for them.

Unfortunately the Hoover dam has been done.

suburban wonder said...

I don't know if they have this product on your side of the pond, but it's called Ozium, and it's commonly found in automobile-parts/automobile-repair stores. The citrus scent usually takes care of the worst odours. The vanilla scent, though? Not so good.

Arabella said...

Kippers and a plate of bread and butter - yum. Been a long time.
A restaurant in the Fillmore district is offering Monterey Bay sardines. Tempting, tempting...

S.I.D. said...

Can't beat a good kipper burp!

Sniffy said...

You need to put a sign up in each of the cabins.

Or a kipper-detection system?

pissoff said...

Ohhhhh SID, that sounds fantastic. A good kipper burp.

I'll pass on the kippers thank you.

First Nations said...

seconding the ozium. used it professionally for 10 years (yes, i was a professional ozium applicator. someone has to.) but it only takes care of the air. febreze the logs in the kitchen area and there you go.

Rowan said...

sounds disgusting honestly.

But then, I'm allergic to fish so I doubt you could even describe the taste to me.

Anonymous said...

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