Wednesday, August 23, 2006

My Own Private Idaho

Some places, although not fictitious, certainly merit their place in the popular imagination as being somewhat other. I mean ‘other’ in the sense that although not particularly inaccessible in the geographical sense (with the exception of Timbuktu), they aren’t the sort of places anyone’s likely to visit, or can imagine anyone actually coming from.

Boise, Idaho, is definitely one of them. I actually couldn’t place it on a map. I know it’s in the USA, but apart from that it inhabits a mental terra incognito that might as well be populated with dragons and cannibals.

Imagine my surprise when, a couple of years ago, some luridly clad cyclists hove into view. They dismounted from their cycles and enquired, very politely (if a bit loudly), if they could rent a ‘hut’ for the night. I was a bit nonplussed. I don’t get many Americans, but when I do they are generally crammed into a small saloon car, or peer down at me from the lofty heights of a massive Range Rover that does 2mpg tops.

I asked if they were from the USA (I’m good at identifying accents). “Gee”, they said, "we’re from Boise, Idaho!”. By this stage I was thoroughly disorientated. I showed them into a ‘hut’ and they took it on the spot. I think it was the ‘hot tub’ in the bathroom that swung the deal my way. I almost pointed out the luxury of separate hot and cold taps, but my common sense prevailed.

I was feeling like Mr Super Salesman until one of the Boiseites asked: “What time do you serve breakfast?” I wasn’t wearing a chef’s hat at the time, and the sign at the road clearly indicated ‘Self- Catering Lodges’. Frankly, I was shell shocked, and asked: “What time would you like breakfast?”

They asked for ‘Granola’, so I fed them some ‘Weetabix’; which must have been an acceptable substitute as none of them said anything. They them scoffed a full fry up and pedalled off towards the horizon (after leaving me a large tip). I quite liked them.

In hindsight I’m convinced that they must have been CIA fact finders, or representatives of some strange esoteric rattlesnake worshipping cult.

It’s hard to tell, but I’m still convinced that nobody actually comes from Boise, Idaho.


53 comments:

suburban wonder said...

Idaho is rife with potatoes and white supremacists. I can find it on the map, which is more than I can say for Missouri or Salford.

garfer said...

You've obviously been to Idaho.

pissoff said...

Idaho potatoes. Lots of spuds.

First Nations said...

you are absolutely right. i visited boise three years ago on a motorcycle tour of the central northwest, and there wasn't a soul there.

very strange place, very conservative and almost entirely owned by one man; R. J. Simplot.

Arabella said...

Some place names demand the State, hence the charm, I think. Gary, Indiana is another good one, and Austin, Texas.
On a road trip to New Orleans I really wanted to take a detour to see Sopchoppy, Florida. Now, there can't be two of those, surely?

Good for you, making them breakfast.

Convict said...

Did you slip a bit of rat poison in the fry up?

Idaho is full of potatoes? Did all the Irish emigrate there?

suburban wonder said...

I've never been to Idaho, but I know the shape of their state quite well, because I loves me some tatties.

Boiled, baked, mashed, or fried, they are delish.

I think White Supremacists should also be boiled, baked, mashed, and fried, but that's just me. Just sayin.

S.I.D. said...

I'm moving to Idaho

Kyahgirl said...

I knew this was a plot to get SID to move to the US. It worked!! Good one.

In the good ol' days we used to cross the border to drink in Idaho because the legal age was lower.

Pink Drama said...

SID's coming to the US? oh no!

*runs and hides. changes mind. changes name to Red & gets new identity*

MHN for short said...

We briefly traveled through Boise, Idaho about 3 years ago. I don't really remember much about it except that it was one town of hundreds on our 6000 mile trip.

Idaho is a pretty state. If we were independently wealthy, we'd move there.

Molly said...

My niece lives in Boise! Wait until I tell her that the center of her universe isn't shared by all.

First Nations said...

oo, just remembered...largest commercial grower of lawn-grass seed in the WORLD.

wow, huh?

suburban wonder said...

Hellooooooo? Anybody here?

MHN for short said...

Every time I see that title, B-52's pop into my head. One of my favourite tunes of theirs...


Time to post, young man.

S.I.D. said...

"Young man"???

Ha ha Good one!

Arabella said...

I was reading in The Book Shop about Boise, Idaho's colony of Basque sheep herders. And the big news from Boise in 1907 according to the 'Idaho Daily Stateman' -
"Woman Dentist is Planning to Pull Teeth of Idahoans".

funny thing said...

Garfer, I need you to post about something else because I've never heard of Boise. Got nothing to say of any worth, I'm afraid.

Weather's nice though.

suburban wonder said...

Put down the kebab and post, man!

S.I.D. said...

I reckon he's in a Turkish prison following his trip to Cyprus.

Rowan said...

It ain't called Butt Fuck Idaho for nothing!

I don't think I've ever virtually met anyone from Idaho, let alone IRL.

Kyahgirl said...

You haven't fallen in the Loch again have you? Come back!

funny thing said...

Aaaaaaaaarrrrgggggghhh!

S.I.D. said...

Maybe he has spontaneously combusted?

Too much alcohol and kebab can do that you know.

funny thing said...

I'm going to take over his site and sell goats for sex or sacrifice.

Anyone want a goat?

(Anyone know where I can get any?)

S.I.D. said...

Try Piggy and Tazzy's place.

Goats,sheep,any fluffy animals,they have em.

Oh the bestiality of it all.

MHN for short said...

Garfer?

Are you ok?

Did your computer screw up again?

I hope that Nessie hasn't switched lochs and come over to eat you...

S.I.D. said...

Hope all is well Garfy where ever you are.

MHN for short said...

Gee whiz Garfer, I thought that I took long at getting back to blogging...

I hope that you are well.

Arabella said...

I though he was off on his month-long holiday the whole of NOVEMBER.
Is it a three-month holiday now?
Tut.
Jealous.

Kyahgirl said...

just checking on you....SID, could you swim across the way and make sure garfer is ok?

hope you're enjoying your break...maybe you've gone to Idaho.

maidink said...

okay, who can find out if Garfer is amongst the living?

I'm not kidding ... this is not cool.

Wyndham said...

Garfer, don't be a tart. it's not in your nature.

funny thing said...

Worried now.

Piggy and Tazzy said...

Garfy? It's been a loooooooooong time now.

*concerned too*

MHN for short said...

Hello Dear. Let us know if you are alive. We love you.

Anonymous said...

Garfy, come back to us! I miss you!

Kyahgirl said...

come back, before you take off for your month long vacation in the sunny greek islands.

MHN for short said...

Yo! Garfer! Wuz up?

S.I.D. said...

*Lights a candle*

Piggy and Tazzy said...

*blows it out*

*replaces it with a plastic effigy of Margaret Thatcher - that should wake the dead*

*if he's dead, of course*

*in which case, will there be a party?*

I'm actually missing Garfy. And concerned. Has anyone emailed him, called him, or anything? Got a response? Do let the rest of us know he's okay at least.

Betty said...

Hmm ... I think the title of the post was a clue to it all. "My Own Private Idaho" ...

He's gone away to somewhere that people can't get to him. It was a coded "goodbye". Just ... gone ... without any fuss, like a cowboy walking off into the sunset.

Arabella said...

Hell, Betty. Making me cry.

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MHN for short said...

Hey Guys. Garfer is alive. :-D

Piggy and Tazzy said...

MHN - And you know this? How? Share with the rest of us tortured souls!

S.I.D. said...

Yes do tell MHN?

Pig and Taz said...

*time passes*

Come on, MHN! We're waiting!

Slow cunt.

MHN for short said...

Hey, I may be slow and I may have a twat, but there is no need calling names.

You guys are just pissed that the american figured out a way to check to see if our beloved Garfer was ok.

look up his business.

He's busy.

We still love and miss you Garfer and I so wish that I could be at your beautiful shores right this second!

Perhaps after we pay off our debt and save up for a proper holiday.

Much love to ya! mhn.

S.I.D. said...

There 50 comments!

Happy Now?

Anonymous said...

Not quite fifty comments, since one of them was spam from a 'storm-door' salesman.

*this* makes fifty.

Arabella said...

So are we going for the big 100, then?

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