Saturday, November 10, 2007

Twanging the Light Fantastic


All males have embarrassing habits, some of which are best not mentioned in polite company. I could go into detail about SIDs frankly distasteful penchant for prancing around in a nuns habit to Kylie Minogue's 'I'm Spinning Around' in front of his full length bedroom wardrobe mirror, but I won't.

The one embarrassing habit that most men will have to admit to is playing air guitar. This habit begins innocently enough with a strummed tennis racket at the age of thirteen, but rapidly escalates into full scale imaginary fret picking, wha wha pedal pressing, pyrotechnic airtasticness, and the full gamut of gurning and grimacing.

Each male has their own favourite axeman to whom they pay homage in their private moments. The calibre of the individual male may, in fact, be determined by their choice of air guitar demigod. Pete Townshend, Jimmy Page, and Angus Young suggest individuals who are properly plugged in to the essence of rawkness. Those who air twiddle to the likes of Eric Clapton, Ry Cooder, and Stevie Ray Vaughan are best avoided.

Personally I think that all the inmates of Guantanamo Bay should be forced to play air guitar for at least one hour daily. They all have beards like Z Z Top, so it's about time they earned their spurs.

13 comments:

Reg Pither said...

Apropo nothing, that guy appears to have developed a particularly nasty skin condition on his legs - he's turning tench!
I could never master air guitar to Russ Abbott's rock anthem "Atmosphere". There must be a way.

garfer said...

Practice Reg, practice.

I suggest you start off with something simpler, like Status Quo.

Betty said...

There never seem to be air guitarists who want to imitate Nick Heyward, do there?

Funny thing, that.

garfer said...

I think it's the jumpers that put them off.

They never seem to imitate the twat who plays bass with his thumb in Level 42 either.

Arabella said...

I suppose it's the pencil moustache that relegates Django Reinhardt?

garfer said...

That and all the sitting down.

Geoff said...

Norman Watt Roy from The Blockheads would be a good one.

Or Vini Reilly.

MJ said...

"I could go into detail about SIDs frankly distasteful penchant for prancing around in a nuns habit to Kylie Minogue's 'I'm Spinning Around' in front of his full length bedroom wardrobe mirror, but I won't."

Oh please do, Garfy. Please DO.

garfer said...

Geoff

Or Dave Hill from Slade. You'd need the natty threads though.

MJ

I cannot divulge more. You will have to ask the oracle himself.

S.I.D. said...

Yes do MJ.

I'm sure Garfy won't mind me telling you of how he got me the habit.

Garfy ~ Thanks, but by the way it was a monks habit.

KAZ said...

Men??
And what's wrong with my perfect Suzie Quatro/Robert Plant androgynous, AC/DC star turn??

eh??

FirstNations said...

hendrix learned his chops from me. of yes. the peeing, the setting on fire, oh yes. the behind the head thing, yes.

i miss him.

Peevish McSnark said...

Ooh, air guitar. Just as bad - air drums. I don't think I've ever heard Genesis's "In the Air Tonight" without some twat doing air drums.