Thursday, November 29, 2007

On the Cheap

I like going on cheap holidays, preferably at someone else's expense. Just the thought of spending my hard earned to peer out at the ubiquitous rural drizzle (which I can do perfectly well at home) is enough to put me off packing my smalls in anticipation of a jaunt to parts distant.

Thankfully the accommodation and most of the food in the Lake District was provided by gullible and much too well off for their own good relatives. I may even have smarmed enough to ensure a favourable outcome when it comes to the reading of the wills in a few years time.

I was, on the whole, quids in on the deal. Unfortunately I went and blew it by buying an old Daimler (that's a Jaguar with bells on for you ignorant Yankees) from a classic car dealers forecourt. It had been owned from new by an old geezer who did 4000 miles a year, washed and polished it every week, and religiously serviced it annually.

It goes like a cheetah with a wasp up its rectum and has enough leather to make an elephants scrotum tremble with envy. I'm not deluding myself that it will aid my prospects with the laydeez though. Everyone knows that they prefer scruffy blokes who tootle about in ancient Lanci Fulvias and old Morris Minors that smell of blue cheese.

Sometimes there's just no accounting for taste.


MJ said...

Welcome back!

Now tell me what I REALLY want to know. Did you get to the Pencil Museum?

garfer said...

I gave it a miss.

The excitement could have proved to much and I might have pooped my pants.

Now I've got a Daimler I've really got lead in my pencil.

MJ said...

SID has a lifetime supply of Depends if you change your mind.

I'm sure he could spare a box.

Arabella said...

You complete and utter bastard. (American readers, it's ok - this is a term of endearment in Britain). You bought an old Daimler. Is it possible to be happy for someone and pea green at the same time?

garfer said...

It is old enough to be well...old....but not old enough to be a classic.

Not that I'm fussy.

S.I.D. said...

I used to think Daimlers were driven by little old dames.

Seems I was right.

Welcome back!

Peevish McSnark said...

Glad you're back! Thank you for the Closed Captioning for the British Impaired (you too, Arabella).

The car looks swish!

garfer said...

I believe the vehicle was once owned by Dame Edna Everedge SID.

I like to think it is more louche than swish Mcsnark.

KAZ said...

If I had it - I'd just sit inside it all day and smell the leather.
If that doesn't drive the laydees wild I just don't know what will.

Betty said...

The Daimler may attract less women than a Morris Minor, but the birds you do pull will be much more classy ones.

garfer said...

Perhaps I should wear a leather jockstrap and add to the effect Kaz.

I'm not so sure Betty. I've a feeling it's more likely to attract chavtastic tattooed airheads than Lady Penelope. Still, one can but hope.

Reg Pither said...

Oh bleedin' oh!! We've got a bleedin' Daimler now, 'ave we? Gettin' all high and mighty now, are we? Paaarse the graaaaande piaaaano!!!
I bet it's even got something you can rest your balls on before driving off - or am I thinking of golf?
Go for it, Garf. It's an international babe magnet. You get a better class of girlie going for guys in Daimlers - you know, the sort of girls who get out of the bath to have a pee.

MJ said...

Nice to see I didn't miss anything while I was away.