Saturday, January 12, 2008

Hey Nonny Nororvirus

I have been having a rather pukey New Year.

The delights of the norovirus ensured that I enjoyed several days of projectile vomiting that would have made Linda Blair in the Exorcist green with envy (if she hadn't been green already). Even hot whisky, my surefire cure for all ailments, proved to be of no avail.

Viruses are evil bastards and conclusive proof of the non existence of God.

I didn't go to the doctor. I haven't been to the doctor for twenty years and I wasn't going to break my habit at the behest of a filthy little beneficiary of evolutionary mutation. Anyway, there wouldn't have been any point visiting the quack. She'd just have given me a sad look and informed me that I have terminal bone cancer.

I just love the health system in Britain. Wooden hip replacements, MRSA, and bone cancer diagnoses. That's all it's good for.

11 comments:

Betty said...

Bleurh. I've got a mortal fear of this Nora Virus thing. I'm also an avoider of hospitals and GP's. Too scared of being diagnosed with bone cancer myself. You only have to turn up at a doctor's surgery for something perfectly innnocent like an ingrowing toenail these days and you're carted off for a biopsy or CAT scan and any number of tests that put the fear of God into you.

MJ said...

And they wouldn't have the sense to prescribe a hot whiskey even if it would have worked in this case.

Once I was having troubles keeping alcohol down and went to the doctor about it. "Help,doc, I can't drink! Help me to drink again!" She wasn't sympathetic at all.

Anonymous said...

You should watch Michael Moore's new
movie called sicko.
might make you see your GP/NHS in a whole new light!
;)

S.I.D. said...

SIDs house has so far escaped this beauty of nature.

We all had it at the same time about five years ago, and I'm convinced we're immune.

Hope you washed your hands before typing?

I bet you didn't.

KAZ said...

You should have starred in one of those old Westerns - a whiskey and a leather belt to chew on and a bloke could chop his own leg off and give birth to twins without bothering the doctor at all.

pissoff said...

My family was lucky enough to be projectile vomiting all over the holiday.

I wash my hands all the time, even after I wee, so I was lucky enough to escape it.

Peevish McSnark said...

Thank you for keeping your germs off of the internet.

Hot whiskey sounds pretty good right now...

Convict said...

Luckily we missed that one by a couple of days.

Piggy went down with it shortly after visiting us.

Rimshot said...

Yeah! And another thing...

Piggy and Tazzy said...

Good grief! I haven't been here for so long that I'd almost forgotten who you were.

You can imagine my delight discovering Norovirus had invaded you upon my return.

MJ said...

Are you still vomiting?

You can use Piggy's sleeve to clean yourself up.