Saturday, May 02, 2009


My mother has dementia, my nephew has Asperger's, and my father has developed an unhealthy obsession with Wellington bombers and Paddy Mayne.

It's a wonder I'm normal at all.

My sister is seeking the vodka solution, but being feisty will no doubt surmount that obstacle and rediscover the rejuvenating qualities of the teacake.

I am inclined to retire to my garret and consume a nice piece of cheese, if the mice haven't got to it first. There I shall toast Carol Anne Duffy as the first lesbo Glaswegian/Somewhere else poet to be Poet Laureate. Hopefully Queenie will treat her to a large portion of Weetabix and a stern talking to.

She's not as good as Philip Larkin though. Forget the Velvet Underground: rarely has a man deployed a pair of spectacles so effecively.

I need some bifocals. If I had some I'd look intelligent and could mock peoples choice of socks.


MJ said...

It's a wonder I'm normal at all.

Who’s saying you ARE?

And don't you DARE mock my stockings!

KAZ said...

Have you ever seen Philip Larkin and Eric Morecambe in the same room together?

@MJ: Stockings? .... I can't see any suspenders.

MJ said...


Madame DeFarge said...

Philip Larkin was always one of my favourites. He suits my sunny disposition and cheerful outlook. Carol Ann Duffy doesn't float my boat, but I doubt that she is perturbed by this in any way.

I wear Pringle socks. Just to save your eyes.

Tessa said...

Normal? That's a good one. So long as the socks aren't white ... Larkin had the right idea:

They fuck you up, your mum and dad.
They may not mean to, but they do.
They fill you with the faults they had
And add some extra, just for you.

But they were fucked up in their turn
By fools in old-style hats and coats,
Who half the time were soppy-stern
And half at one another's throats.

Man hands on misery to man.
It deepens like a coastal shelf.
Get out as early as you can,
And don't have any kids yourself.

PI said...

Your Dad has good taste. Paddy Mayne looks sweet.

Jimmy Bastard said...

Larkin has that unique something extra for my taste.. a purveyor of fine wines for the mind.

EmmaK said...

Thanks for that. Now Larkin has made me feel unbelievably depressed. I have a feeling he didn't get enough sex or fresh vegetables.

pissoff said...

I stopped at about 10 seconds. I thought he was running behind horses and then realized it was houses and I thought "that's shite."

The Poet Laura-eate said...

Cheese and teacakes are the road to sanity and no mistake.

They should be available on prescription.