Saturday, November 14, 2009

Fat Bastards

My banker is called Frank and he is as obese as a Sumo wrestler. He exudes bonhomie and "hail fellow well met" pleasantries while twiddling his pen and suggesting that a rate of 4% above base would be more appropriate if I wish to extend my overdraft facility.

How do fat bankers get fat? They get fat by sucking on the marrow of every normal person who is trying with every sinew of their being to sustain or expand their business. I'm convinced that banks recruit normal (if boring, anal, uncultured, and tedious can be described as such) people and train them in the arts of borderline psychopathy.

I have yet to meet a normal banker. They're either weasel eyed acne scarred time servers in badly fitting suits, or born again Christian types who will happily chuck anybody out of the temple who fails to conform to their exacting standards of financial rectitude.

Frank says, "We're living in a different world now", as his several chins wobble in a self satisfied fashion. Aye it is mate, but I'm not fucking paying 4% above when I'm currently paying 2%.

I think it's time to deploy the suitcase.


Madame DeFarge said...

I'm impressed that you can actually meet a real banker these days. Do they still retain some to impress the yokels?

garfer said...

I've never met a Civil Servant.

Are you real? Do you have luncheon vouchers?

Jimmy Bastard said...

I would personally trade everything I own just to put a double tap into the back of the head of every RBS bank manager I come across.

I have met many fellow builders going to the wall over spiralling debts caused by these fat cats and their greedy sticky little fingers.

I don't know what you keep in your suitcase, but in mine.. for them... I keep a whole lot of pain.

KAZ said...

My bank manager is called Liam Gallagher.

garfer said...


The RBS headquarters should be bulldozed and the remnants of that vile money grubbing enterprise fully nationalised and forced to open the lending taps.

The bankers destroyed, now they impede.


That should be interesting.

"Wanna a fookin overdraft, coom on if yer think yer 'ard enough.