Wednesday, December 20, 2006

Hey ho, here I go again.


I don’t have a particularly addictive personality. Sure, I like a drink; and I don’t turn down pneumatic blonde nymphomaniacs that live above a pub without due cause, but I can’t say that I’m addicted to either of these potentially lethal pastimes.

The only vice that has gripped me and doggedly refuses to let go is tobacco. I’ve tried cold turkey, eating two dozen mandarin oranges a day, and plastering my torso with nicotine patches. Alas, all has been to no avail; I still end up back on the chuffers within a couple of weeks.

My GP has informed that me that she can prescribe me a new wonder drug that apparently subdues all nicotine cravings. It costs a packet, but as I am a hopeless case she is happy to provide me with a course of treatment gratis on the NHS. Her generosity may have something to do with the fact that I don’t turn up at her surgery twice weekly complaining of a slight cough and a bit of a sore knee.

Of course, I won’t be giving up before January 3rd at the earliest. The west highland Scottish Hogmanay extends well into the evening of the 2nd, and I refuse to have my party spoiled by hankerings for a roll up. Come the 3rd my drug regime will commence. Hopefully this time I’ll finally make it.

12 comments:

S.I.D. said...

Nope you won't!


We're a dying breed.

Sniffy said...

Don't give up. You'll be miserable for the rest of your life if you do.

Pig 'n' Taz said...

Now how the fuck didn't i notice you were back with us? Fucking useless pile of RSS reading shite that I've got installed didn't notice.

Anyway (fave word), welcome back and all that shite.

Where's my postcard and stick of rock?

Arabella said...

Why not delay treatment till Twelfth Night? That way you get six new year days to fume.
Hope it works if you want it to. But you know smoking is an oral fixation, don't you? Spot of Freudian therapy should see it off.

Anonymous said...

Drugs!! Make sure she gives you the good shit. Like Methadone.

You may be miserable for the rest of your life if you quit, but that miserable life may be a great deal longer. Personally, I think you'd make an exceptional crusty curmudgeon.

Good luck.

Convict said...

Is she prescribing you these?

garfer said...

Unlikely Convict, although Viagra and Methadone would be an interesting combination.

Convict said...

Happy Christmas Garfer. Hope you have a great Hogmanay too.

Arabella said...

First batch of mince pies done and dotted with sugar so - merry Christmas Garfer.

kyahgirl said...

Merry Christmas Garfer...so glad you didn't fall off the face of the earth.

it took me 10 years to quit smoking so I have an inkling of what you face after Hogamanay - good luck with that eh?

S.I.D. said...

Your last ever Christmas smoking Garfy.

Think about it.


Have a good alcohol and nicotine filled Chrimbo!

MHN for short said...

Good luck with that Garfy!

I've been trying to quit food for years, but the damn stuff is essential for survival. Cutting back is helping though...

Happy Christmas m'dear!