Thursday, August 23, 2007

The Thighs of Fatima Whitbread

Achieving a steady 10 miles an hour at the head of a mile long queue of irate motorists stuck behind a ladies cycling club thoughtfully riding in tandem, I couln't help but notice that the girth of the ladies thighs was greater than that prevalent in the general female population.

Don't get me wrong, I am as much an afficianado of the well honed and muscularly defined female thigh as the next man, it's just that I fear that female cyclists may have overdone things slightly. It's all a question of proportion you see. The thighs of Fatima Whitbread do not make a happy combination with the upper torso of a bulimic supermodel.

Perhaps female cyclists should revert to wearing big hooped skirts reaching to their ankles when indulging in cycling pursuits.

I've been having bad dreams involving Fatima pinning me to the bedhead. Believe me, I have no desire to be ravished by an Olympic javelin thrower whose nutcracker thighs would put the fear of God into Bill Clinton.

Lady cyclists, I beseech you. Please take up orienteering or Sudoko, don't subject our sensitive male gazes to such horrors.

28 comments:

Arabella said...

If they would just wear a nice skirt and ride side-saddle, there wouldn't be this problem.

garfer said...

Like Queen Elizabeth (thunder thighs) Windsor.

MJ said...

That's quite the camel toe she's got there.

garfer said...

Trust you to lower the tone MJ.

Rude colonial.

S.I.D. said...

That's a great title for a book or film Garfy, you could follow it up with such classics as Sex,Thighs and Videotape,The Hills have Thighs,Thighs Wide Shut (preferably MJs) and For Your Thighs Only.

Throwing javelins at cyclists would be fun though

garfer said...

The Thigh of the Tiger, The Thighs of Lucy Jordan, Goldenthigh....I could go on.

Firing a bazooka at cyclists would be even more fun.

Betty said...

Having dreams about being pinned down by Fatima Whitbread must be very disturbing indeed. I think I'd rather have sleep paralysis.

Dutch women seem to have very developed upper leg width/strength because of all that cycling, don't they?

MJ said...

You're just to good to be true,
Can't take my thighs off of you.

*aims javelin at SID's impossible-to-miss thigh fat*

Reg Pither said...

It is not overly attractive, I'll grant you. It's almost as bad as discovering that, of an evening, they don't wear suspenders but simply nail their stocking to the tops of their thighs (so I've heard). Lowering the tone even further, oral sex is also a no-no if you happen to wear glasses. I've lost count of the number of times "a friend of mine" has had to go up Dollond and Aitchison after a night out with a lady from one of those Butch Bicycle Touring Clubs.

KAZ said...

Fatima's arm = my body.
I'd like to have her in my gang.

garfer said...

Dreaming about Fatima is as bad as sleep paralysis Betty, although I suppose dreaming about Anne Widdecombe would be even worse.

Sid only has thighs for you MJ.

If they get you behind the bike sheds things can turn nasty Reg, or so I've heard.

Fatima could totally be in my gang Kaz. She is the daddy of the butch female athlete world.

pissoff said...

I thought that was the Incredible Hulk - Lou Ferregno (or whatever his name was/is).

garfer said...

I think she's his sister.

First Nations said...

we of the ecumenist persuasion are not offput by the steely tone of her thunderous thighs but feel she should buy a pair of tits.
that or begin pedalling with her breasticles in order to build tone and balance out her body mass concentrations.
come to think of it, such a sight would undoubtedly constitute a hazard to motorists.

never mind.

(mj's right. thats a 'TOE.)

garfer said...

I am more of the somnambulist persuasion, except when dreaming of Fatima's toe.

Then I'd rather be wide awake.

S.I.D. said...

Stroking it.

garfer said...

Speak for yourself!

MJ said...

I beseech you to post something new so I can avert my eyes from the camel toe.

First Nations said...

VEHEMENTLY SECONDING MJ'S SUGGESTION!!!

the image of a vanilla cone topped with chocolate sprinkles keeps returning to my mind unbidden...

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funny thing said...

Blimmin 'ell. That told us.

*blinks*

wyndham said...

So you've gone again!

Kyahgirl said...

I hope you haven't met your destiny between the thighs of Fatima Whitbread.


I'm glad you're taking a break...I can catch up on your posts!

MJ said...

zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

Betty said...

I've been away, I've come back again, and you're still away.

You really are an enigma.

MJ said...

Betty: Maybe the enigma needs an enema.

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