Sunday, March 02, 2008

The Hound of Ulster


I thought I was through with mid life crises; the lost weekend in Dublin with Nina that extended to three months of unexpurgated hell having cured my 32 year old soul of any lingering notions of romanticism. Unfortunately they recurred at the ages of 34, 36, 37, and 39.

My age today is irrelevant, I'm past caring about the encroachment of the boys bump starting the hearse. The thing is, I've bought a wafer thin digital camera that can photograph toenails at twenty paces. This has got me thinking.

My late Great Uncle Harold didn't exactly live in squalor, it's just that he accumulated piles of newspapers and was able to extract one (Sept 12, 1937) and opine that it contained a particularly interesting article on the state of pig breeding in County Tryone. He also had a wind up bakelite telephone that connected him directly to the exchange. I've no idea why he kept a loaded Lee Enfield rifle propped at the end of his bed, unless it might have come in useful if any ne'er do well had jumped through his bedroom window and attempted to steal his Woodbines.

I appear to span two centuries, and I'm not sure which I would prefer to live in.

12 comments:

Piggy and Tazzy said...

MJ appears to have spanned to centuries too.

Are you long lost twins?

Yay! First!

Piggy and Tazzy said...

Shit.

MJ appears to have spanned TWO centuries!

I got all muddled in my excitement at being first.

MJ said...

The state of pig breeding in County Tyrone?

You should see the state of Piggy's sty in Barnsley.

Filthy.

MJ said...

Was your great Uncle Harold as bad a hoarder as the Collyer Brothers?

MJ said...

You've got a digital camera now?

Have someone photograph you passed out on the floor of Pete's Tavern.

And then take pics of your toenails and post them.

Betty said...

I think I'll probably turn into your Great Uncle Harold within the next ten years. I don't own a mobile phone, can't drive, can barely use a digital camera ... I don't even span two centuries, I seem to be stuck in 1920.

Pleeeease don't take any pictures of your toenails, especially if they're hairy and fungal.

MJ said...

Betty: When he passes out dead drunk, I'll paint his toenails and take pics.

Do you have a colour preference?

Betty said...

Chanel Rouge Noir.

garfer said...

I only pass out in polite company, which excludes youse.
.
Bunch of malingering cunts.

MJ said...

I only pass wind in polite company.

Aren't you the lucky one?

Malc said...

Is it just me or does Cuchulainn look very much like Nicole Kidman?

garfer said...

Indeed Malc, the resemblence is uncanny.