Sunday, June 29, 2008

Garfer's Guide to Peace, Love, and Understanding

There has been much moaning recently about the cost of motoring generally, and more particularly about the cost of fuel. Personally I think it's a good thing that fewer of the hoi are able to choke up the Queens Highway with their hideous little eco boxes and people carriers.

When you think about it the obvious method of reducing CO2 emissions from vehicles is to ban the working classes from driving. They used to cope ok on bicycles and trolley buses and the like, so I see no reason why they shouldn't revert to type. They could even start wearing cloth caps again. It would be most heart warming to watch the masses trudging to work in the pouring rain like in the olden dayes. Perhaps the powers that be could bring back tuberculosis to whittle down their numbers and reduce pension committments, thus leaving scope for tax cuts on beer and fags for the rest of.

I digress. The gist of my argument is that cars with petrol engines of four litres and above with a cylinder count of a minimum of 6 (although 8 or 12 are obviously preferable) are a minority because most people can't afford to drive them. If these cars were the only ones which could legally be driven the level of CO2 emissions would plummet.

It's blindingly obvious. No Kevin and Traceys lowering the automotive tone in their tatty old Ford Focuses, no smug marrieds in people carriers with 'baby on board' stickers on the back windscreen, no dieselists clattering about. This would not only reduce pollution at a stroke, it would also make Britain a more attractive and fragrant place.


Peevish McSnark said...

Very Swiftian of you, Garfy.

MJ said...

Britain would be a more fragrant place if you put a cork up Piggy's bottom.

garfer said...


Ban all Lilliputians.


Agreed. And a stopper in his gob.

KAZ said...

You are so enlightened Garfer .... in the style of Norman Tebbit.

garfer said...

Hang 'em and flog 'em.

It's the only sort of language those sort of people understand.

Mopsa said...

Tunnocks for PM - at least you'd provide some laughs and we're pretty short on those these days.

garfer said...

Thank you for your support Mopsa.

Perhaps I should stand for Parliament, I couldn't be any worse than the current shower.

pissoff said...

Relient Robin's for everyone.

garfer said...

You can ride free in helicopters April.

I want a helicopter so I can drop bombs on stuff.

Piggy and Tazzy said...

The answer is simple.

Instead of sending the working classes out to work, we should just employ those that work in our vicinity to clean our homes, cook our meals and scrub our lavs.

In return, we could give them food and the odd can of Tesco Value lager and a half ounce of Old Holburn.

They'd be happy. We'd be happy and there'd be more room on the streets for us to drive upon.

If we could hermetically seal MJ's snatch, the air would be much more pleasant for us to open the windows as we drive too.

Do they still have workhouses in Manchester? April's Nemesis could run weekend bombing runs for a fair price. It'd bring fun and excitement to Manchester's waifs too. Fun for all the family, as it where.

KAZ said...

A big thankyou to Piggy from the waifs of Manchester

Piggy and Tazzy said...

You're welcome Kaz.

Now get back to your scrubbing board, there's no time for playing on the interweb when there's washing to be done, woman.

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