Thursday, July 17, 2008

"For you Tommy ze war is over"!


The decline in unionist sentiment in Scotland since the 1970's has less to do with oil and general Jock chippiness than the disappearance of Commando comic from the newsagent shelves. Small boys lack tales of British martial derring do to gird their loins against the Hun and hoist the stout shield of Britannia.

The really good thing about Commando was that the Americans always played a secondary role to the brave Tommy with his sten gun. Quite right to, as the chewing gum masticating oiks from Milwaukee never tire of reminding us that 'we saved you guys Limey asses'. This is obviously tosh as they didn't turn up until brave Blighty fought off the squareheads with little more than bits of old string and stripy mint humbugs.

I don't know why we bother with ASBO's and Community Service Orders. What we really need is conscription for twelve year olds to toughen the pampered little scrotes up a bit. More time spent reading back issues of Commando and less playing girly games on the Wii and posturing on Bebo would do much to reduce delinquency.

Give them guns and divide them into warring Buckfast Brigade and Tamazepam Terrier factions and let them fight it out to the death. That would give the survivors a taste for good literature and reduce youth unemployment at a stroke.

I really should stand for Parliament.

Pass the straitjacket Petunia.

5 comments:

MJ said...

Will a radar gun suffice?

KAZ said...

That's all well and good Garfer - but we only had 'Bunty' and 'School Friend'.

OOO - 'stripy mint humbugs' were they Everton mints?

garfer said...

I was thinking more along the lines of Kalashnikovs MJ.

I hope you're not into 'The People's Friend' these days Kaz.

Don't Everton mints have toffee in the middle?

pissoff said...

I'm for child soldiers. Give them Kalashnikovs and let them sort themselves out.

Tim Footman said...

A bloke I used to work with ended up writing Commando stories. He named a character after me, a fact that chuffs me no end.