Wednesday, November 26, 2008

Elegy on the Sad Death of Woolies

Farewell then pick 'n mix,
So much nicer than a boring Twix,
Your plastic scoop has dug its last,
The kiddies treat a daytime fast.

No more cherry lips or candy banana,
A loss of tooth decaying manna,
Plastic lids will no longer flick
To reveal a stripy chewy stick.

I salute thee noble Woolies,
Victim of fiscal heebie jeebies,
We shall not see thy like again,
Nor rummage through thy bargain bin.

W B Garfer


KAZ said...

And to think I used to scoff at Embassy records and Kingfisher brand pencil cases.
I shall go to the Chorlton-cum-Hardy branch tomorrow and say Thankyou.

garfer said...

Where will I buy my £9.99 Chinese manufactured electric drills that break after two hours use? What can replace the £2.99 chef's knives made from highest quality ice hardened steel?

I am bereft

MJ said...

Did you have cherry lips and a candy banana, Garfy?

Sniffy said...

I've always liked Woolies and it's a shame to see it go down the tubes, but it is clearly a thing of the past, not knowing quite what it's supposed to be. Their pick and mix will be sorely missed.

Tim Footman said...

Where will Britain's young shoplifters learn their craft now?

garfer said...


Any more comments like that and I'll insert a candy banana up yer ample Canuck arse.


Woolies was a good place to buy a tin opener. It wasn't much use for anything else.


W H Smith will have to do.

MJ said...


garfer said...

A squeal of pleasure! I knew the prospect would appeal to you.

Betty said...

Our town centre is pretty large but Woolies is the only place where you can buy useful items such as reels of cotton and shoe insoles. Mind you, the useful items section has shrunk away to a little bit in the corner because of the ever expanding kiddies toys area.

I have fond memories of visiting the Cannock branch as a kid - the rows of Evette false eyelashes, the sewing patterns, the cheese counter and the 1950's style plimsoulls that were still on sale in the 1980's.

God, I'm old.

Geoff said...

Into what other record shop can you go

And see The Clash next to Matt Monro?

garfer said...


You must remember ye olde Green Shield stamps and Skol lager.


Or buy a Chinese tyre inflater

And a device to crisp your baked patater

Vicus Scurra said...

I don't visit Woolworths.
I haven't bought anything there for some time.
However, this lack of experience and anything interesting to say does not set me sufficiently apart from your other correspondents to make any difference.

garfer said...

Woolies is probably a bit new fangled and cutting edge for you Vicus. I suggest you try Millets, who do a very nice line in cordorouy trousers with a comfy elasticated waist band.

The Poet Laura-eate said...

Fabulous - I think you should print it out and stick it to the front door of your local branch!

the projectivist said...

oh - so Woolworths is no more, huh?
(i've been gone for a bit, so i'm not really up on the English happenings).

i have many a happy memory of the wonder that was pick&mix. the children ate whole meals from that display.

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