Thursday, November 20, 2008

Posh Git

Cor Blimey am I glad to be shot of that mentalist Yankee bint Madge. The loony cow wouldn't let me have me bangers 'n' mash wiv mushy peas coz she said they wozn't marcobotic or somefink. Couldn't even get a shag coz she spent most of 'er time in an oxygen tent or was off giving it the charitable thing in some stinkin' 'ole in Africar.


Ectually, I'm rather pleased that my ill advised marriage to that lower class gel from Michigan is over. Mater and Pater weren't happy with the union at the time, claiming (quite correctly) that blue blood shouldn't mingle with lower class Eyetie blood. She didn't even know what a fish knife was for!

I don't need her money because I'm Guy Rich Richie. You just can't buy class.

13 comments:

Tessa said...

I'm thinking the second persona is closer to the truth!

garfer said...

I'm thinking you might be right.

KAZ said...

Hi Guy
I believe Tara Palmer-Tomkinson is getting a bit desperate.
Give her a call why dontcha.

Betty said...

Madonna probably married Guy because she really believed he was a a genuine Brit cockernee "geezer" as the Brits say. She thought it was rilly cute and he was her bit of rough. Oy oy, saveloy!

It took her seven years to work out the awful truth.

Arabella said...

Perhaps his life is like that Tommy Cooper split personality sketch?

EmmaK said...

What worries me is what's Madonna going to do with her pseudo-English accent now that she's been banished with her tail between her muscular legs back to the US. Will she suddenly wake up one morning and revert straight back to Michiganese?

Peevish McSnark said...

*whining* Does she have to come back here?! Can't she go buy her own damn country and live there? Gah. I'm so sick of her.

garfer said...

KAZ

Tara is English new money and consequently beneath Guy's notice.

Betty

Dick van Dyke was a much more authentic cockernee than Guy.

Arabella

A quickie divorce. "Jus' like that".

Emmak

Madge has drunk too much warm beer to speak in Michiganese. It has a permanent effect on the vocal chords.

Peevish

I'm sure Madge could afford her own Fantasy Island where obsequious dwarves would serve her wheat germ and mung bean cocktails.

FirstNations said...

no really. y'all can keep her. really. let her stay.

please.

MJ said...

Surely there must be room for her at Celine Dion's house.

garfer said...

FN

We've deprived you of the lovely Madge for too long.

MJ

Celine was invented just so everybody could laugh at Canadians.

The Poet Laura-eate said...

As false as each other. Which makes you wonder how they could possibly have gone wrong.

True love, eh?

Tessa said...

Oy, leave us poor old Canadians out of this. Celine is a fine upstanding bit of Quebec womanhood, fed daily on poutine to keep her vocal chords in fine fettle. You've had your fun with us - now get back to bashing Madge and Guy ...