Saturday, May 27, 2006

Ol' Big Ears.

A kid in my class at school was somewhat less than blessed with classic good looks. The combination of buck teeth and the most enormous pair of sticky out ears this side of Dumbo the Elephant did him no favours in the pulling stakes.

His ears really were remarkable. When the sun shone through the classroom windows they glowed like a pair of red traffic lights; a tracery of capillaries revealed like the veins of a leaf.

Being nasty, evil, little adolescents, we took considerable pleasure in flicking these protuberances with a steel ruler. His squeals of annoyance just added spice to the whole exercise.

Most of us grew up to become useless ne’er do wells, while he is today a criminal barrister earning vast sums of money. I like to think that we played some small part in awakening his desire to vanquish injustice and evil by cross examining serial killers and the like. He really should be thanking us as formative influences.

Speaking of wing nuts; HRH the Prince of Wales is paying a visit to the Sunart Oak Woods Project, which is just down the road from where I live. I am somewhat miffed that not only have Charles and Camilla (who doesn’t resemble a horse, not even slightly) not invited me, they have not asked to stay in one of my cottages overnight. This is annoying to say the least. I would have been delighted to take part in a tree hugging session with Charlie boy.

I have a suspicion that their neglect of me is not due to an oversight. I am convinced that a little grey man in a small room at GCHQ peruses the blogosphere to determine who is unsuitable to mingle with royalty. I’m sure that he didn’t find anything amiss with my blog, and would be delighted for me to mingle with Chazza and Camilla (who isn’t even slightly equine in form). It’s the people on my blogroll who are probably to blame. Vile deviants and republicans the lot of them (and that’s just the Americans).

I have been judged by the company I keep. It’s just not fair.


pissoff said...

It's the old schoolmate with the big ears fault if you ask me - that's chucky's barrister.

MHN for short said...

I resemble part of the American remark. Take your pick.

Betty said...

Perhaps it's just a case of your cottages not having the right facilities available for Camilla.

The old nag likes to bed down in a stable at night. It's important to make sure her nosebag is topped up and that there's a fresh, clean supply of water nearby and a large area of land for her to graze on.

Just for future reference, like. You never know ...

Herge Smith said...

They do need hanging from lamp posts though don't they?

S.I.D. said...

Face it Garfer your as common as the rest of us.Cheap and nasty too.

Camilla? Would ya?

garfer said...

Not for all the tea in China matey.

S.I.D. said...

*uplifted by Garfers taste*

Not even for the biggest Tunnock TeaCake ever made?

garfer said...

Nope, not a chance.

Convict said...

Every time I hear tree hugging I think of that SID pic Piggy did *shudders*

Wyndham said...

I quite like Camilla but not in that sense. She clearly likes a fag or two and is apparently toweringly lazy. You can't buy that kind of quality.

Rowan said...

awww, poor kid! Did you really take part in that kid of tormenting? Shame Shame

As for the royals personally, i couldn't care less. I can't imagine you do really huh?

First Nations said...

oh honey.
I am vile.
I am a deviant.
But I am NOT a republican.

y'all accuse me of that agin an i'll crap in your hat!!!!

*wanders off kicking stones and muttering about haggis*

Kyahgirl said...

I'm not an American but I guess I'm a deviant by association. I hang around you naughty lot.

Can you hear her neighing from there?