Thursday, January 04, 2007


I don't really class Christmas/New Year as a holiday. Everyone's on the skive, so no self respecting malingerer can take delight in knowing that millions of hard working folk are grafting, and observe their ill advised labourings with a mixture of pity and contempt.

I need some more proper jollies. I think I've finally worked out my life/work balance, and am coming down firmly in favour of the former. Knitting, marquetry, stamp collecting et al don't really make the grade in my defintion of 'life'.

I could quite happily spend half the year abroad, moaning about poor sanitary facilities and the appalling manners of foreigners. I might suffer the odd hankering for a bottle of HP sauce, or a proper bacon sandwich, but I think I'd cope.

Beirut is looking rather attractive. The hotels are dirt cheap at the moment, the prospect of Israeli missiles landing in their jacuzzis having put off the limp wristed jet set.

Cowardy custards. Lets face it, the Jacobs usually only bomb the Shiite district. Even if the worst did come to the worst I'm sure the magnificent Royal Navy would send a big battleship to whisk me to the safety of Cyprus.

Given my immense contribution to the health of the British economy it would be the least I deserve.


First Nations said...

have you fished enough change out of the seatcushions of the recliner to pay for the ticket?
me, i'd go to new zealand. new zealand has a bra fence. yeah. try and find one of THOSE in the middle east.

suburban wonder said...

Yep, tropical NZ sounds much more appealing than freakin' Beirut! What prompts your bizarre vacation destinations? 'Shroom omelets? Crack?

Come to the USA if you want to live on the edge.

MHN for short said...

No kidding. If you want some slumming just come to the third or fourth ward in Houston. You might actually see some "deals" goin' down...

Of course, move about three blocks over and you'll be in our lovely downtown and have not much of an inkling that anything is wrong in our fair metropolis, other than the occcasional vagrant. But come anyway.

funny thing said...

So then, garfer.
Where did you disappear to back in August/September/November, when we all thought you were dead?
Doesn't that count as a jolly?


garfer said...

Crikey FT, I didn't think you cared.

I always intended to return and bore people to death, it just took a tad longer than anticipated.

Events dear girl, events.

funny thing said...

I dodn't care. I had just hoped to shoe-horn my way into your life (and your will) before you die in a tragic boating accident.
Got my eye on your cabins, you know.

Bet all the girls say that.

funny thing said...


Ken Dodd's dad's dog's dead.

I talk like that all the time. Sorry.

funny thing said...

ps. Where's my link???? You fickle bastard. I want my cabin.

Kyahgirl said...

happy new year garfer. How's the 'life without cigarettes' plan going?

coldearth said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
SID said...

Whose that cunt coldearth?

Beer root?

Are you booking the single,twin or double radiator?

Arabella said...

I would like to spend many days cruising across the Atlantic. But where's the fun in that now - buffet dinners and the shits? Born too late.

pissoff said...

I really do think we need a Blogger fair (or dirty weekend)in garfer's cabins. Any takers?

Events.... did you get married garfer?