Tuesday, January 30, 2007

Tree Hugging

I was interested to learn that the Forestry Commission has decided to appoint a cultural diversity officer on a meagre salary of £30K.

I would have thought that those of a non heterosexual persuasion would be more than delighted to don a hard hat and utility belt. I imagine that the prospect of wielding a massive chainsaw while performing a Kylie Minogue dance routine would fill their hearts with delight.

It’s good to see taxpayers money spent on such worthwhile projects. I’m actually quite tempted by the job myself. A full pension entitlement and free use of a big Land Rover with bull bars is not to be sniffed at.

I would have to point out to all prospective candidates that the chances of being squished by a large tree are rather high, and that forests are full of nipping varmints and biting insects. All that fresh air is all very well, but winter gales and lightning strikes should also be taken into account.

I’m sure I could cope with earning all that dosh while sitting in a leather executive chair ensuring that fair and equitable recruitment policies were fully implemented.
I could distribute circulars and everything. I think I may have finally discovered my true vocation.


MJ said...

Does the job description include pressing wildflowers?

garfer said...

Honeysuckell, brambells, and the opium poppy.

Sniffy said...

Cultural diversity implies that they're interested in getting ethnic minority folk into the forests so as they can appreciate Britain's loveliness instead of hanging out in the inner cities.

I could be wrong though.

I don't think gay folk need much invitation to get down with nature in the wild.

garfer said...

Which would you rather do? Chop down trees for a pittance, or sell currys to pissed English people and make a handsome profit.

Fuckin' no brainer.

Sniffy said...


S.I.D. said...

Worked for him

MJ said...

Another tree hugger you might recognize.

Oh look! Here he is again!

MHN for short said...

Yes, my love, I do believe that you have found your niche.

Your circulars would be the evny of the British government, being so well written and all.

mimi buzzard said...

I dare you to apply for it.

pissoff said...

You're as bad as me for not posting. Have you gone to NY?