When in Manhattan it is a habit of mine to visit the Algonquin hotel in order to commune with the spirit of the late Dorothy Parker. I fully concur with her pithily expressed comment that "I love children but I couldn't eat a whole one". THE QUESTIONS:
WHY are YOU expected to shell out YOUR hard earned dosh so that children are educated to not read, write, do hard sums, or provide a basic account of the reasons for, outcome of, and consequences of the Pellopenesian wars?
WHY is YOUR progress along supermarket aisles impeded my wailing infants in pushchairs?
WHY can't YOU have a bevvy in peace without having to tolerate infant hollering in so called 'family areas' in public houses?
WHY are YOU annoyed by scrounging little gits tryng to extract beer money from YOU at Halloween?
WHY are YOU expected to subsidise the likes of SID in their vain and futile proceastic attempts to produce their very own troupe of Minime all singin' all Dancin' Osmond Family.
THE MANIFESTO:
* All sprogless citizens shall pay a flat rate of income tax of 10%.
* All 'Early Learning Centres' will be closed with immediate effect and turned into betting shops.
* Munchkins will not be permitted in public houses.
* SID will be forced to accede to 'the snip'.
Think the Pass of Thermopalae. Think dugong.
Vote Garfer.
That is all.
11 comments:
You've got my vote.
Mind you, I'm such a miserable old git that I think anyone under the age of 25 should be locked away in a remand centre with high walls and barbed wire, for their own good and for everybody else's good.
Bah.
I volunteer to perform SID's snip with my hands tied behind my back, using only my teeth.
Yup - what is all that bollocks about tax breaks for folks with kids? Can I have one for having dogs?
Experience has taught me that people can cope with a serial killer better than a woman who doesn´t want kids.
So I keep my trap shut!
Garfy,are your chalets booked up for Summer 2008??
We would love to visit.
Meh. Crusty old curmudgeon.
Great picture, though! I'm going to use it to scare Miss Peanut out of asking for any more dolls. "See what happens when you get too many dollies, Peanut? They mutate while you sleep!"
obviously, you're not drinking enough! That is the best way to cope with kids.
I am gratified that my views are shared by some of you. You may be my acolytes.
SID and Mrs SID are most welcome to come and stay. The earth angels can stay in the sheds. They'll love it.
MJ... you beat me to the snip. If I cannot perform it let me at least be your assistant.
Garfer, you can have my kids.
Oh good, can I barbeque them.
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