Wednesday, October 31, 2007

Why Halloween is a Bit Rubbish

In days of yore, when candles ruled and yer toothless aunt Aggie sat breaking wind before a turf fire, this Halloween business would have had a bit of bite to it. Annoying urchins would have been scared crapless and spent their evening cowering pathetically in a corner.

Unfortunately the advent of electric light put the mockers on the whole affair. Uncle Kenneth wearing a Jack Nicholson mask and wielding a rubber axe just doesn't cut the mustard.

For the full on hairy Celt experience one really has to look to the annual Beltane festival held on Edinburghs Calton hill for inspiration. There really is nothing like seeing painted naked mamas with big bazoombas shaking their stuff and waving flaming torches about.

It warms the cockles of me old heart and gives me the urge to strap on a pair of stag antlers.

Beltane could only be improved if a proper Wicker Man were to be constructed and a popular Scottish politician strapped within and burned alive. Just imagine the cheers and whoops of delight.


MJ said...

So what'll Garfy be doing this evening?

Lighting your farts?

Mind you don't inadvertently give yourself a bikini wax.

garfer said...

Looking at your avatar I wouldn't try lighting any farts if I where you. We won't be talking singed tights, we'll be talking Jamesons rocket powered intergalactic space flight.

MJ said...

Bottle rocket.

Betty said...

In my childhood, we didn't even sit around a candle with a toothless aunt breaking wind to commemorate Hallowe'en. We just did ... nothing. Which is the way it should be.

I won't be celebrating tonight. Just trying to avoid horrible little tykes putting dogshit through the letterbox as usual. Bah.

garfer said...

Stock up on petrol bombs Betty. That should keep the little gits at bay.

Reg Pither said...

Admit it. That picture's got nothing to do with Halloween? It was taken at a Rangers v Hibs match. Still, I'm all for jiggy great gazongas so pencil me in for next year.

garfer said...

Believe me Reg, Beltane is much more civilised than a Rangers v Hibs game.

That said, it is sometimes also possible to view jiggy great gazongas at these matches

Arabella said...

They're called man boobs.

And though the thought of lighting a match under Mr Galloway is tempting, I still think he should be tickled to death.

garfer said...

With an electric cattle prod.

S.I.D. said...

Hopefully he'll be a wearing his catsuit!

Hmmm dripping hot nylon!

garfer said...



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