Wednesday, October 10, 2007

Roasted Jamie

Big tongued liver lipped tosser Jamie Oliver has recently been wowing the British populace with al fresco cookery displays from the ridiculously huge garden of his preposterously large faux Rod Stewart Essex country pile.Here is my version of a Jamie recipe.

1. Build a huge fucking ginormous wood burning oven next to the patio of your bijou semi detached house.

2. Procure two snipe, two quail, three wood pigeons, and a big bastard cumberland sausage.

3. Chuck the dead fowl and sausage into a big ceramic roasting tray along with some thyme,
rosemary, garlic, and a ‘good old slug’ of extra virgin olive oil procured from a Tuscan
maiden’s navel.

4. Roast the 'old boys' for 40 minutes in your big bastard wood burning oven.

5. Chop up the resultant dogs dinner and lick your blubber lips.

6. Jump about in a stupid woolly hat looking a right twat.

I’d give that Nigella one.

N.B Note to self. Do not attempt to compose stuff
in Word and
attempt to import it into
It doesn't



Betty said...

Jamie looks like an eco warrior gran in that picture.

Ah, there's nothing to beat the simple joy of hurling abuse at somebody in the public eye who's a twat, is there?

garfer said...


He somewhat redeemed himself during the school dinners episode but has now decided to plum the depths of twatness yet again.

garfer said...

Er, plumb.

MJ said...

Chuck Gordon Ramsay along with Jamie into a roasting pot.

KAZ said...

Luvly Jubbly - not.

S.I.D. said...

Does Nigella cook?

garfer said...

Who cares. She wobbles.

Arabella said...

Oh dear. Giggling fit.

garfer said...

Sickly people are not allowed to giggle.

Get back to bed.

suburban wonder said...

Shit, I'd give Nigella one (if I had one to give). I guess this is the wrong place to admit that Jamie Oliver doesn't bother me at all.

If you've ever heard of Emeril, though, he bugs the ever-loving shit out of me.

Mopsa said...

You know, I kinda like him. Have been known to stand up for Nigella too - surely the pair of them are heavily into self-irony.

Malc said...

For all his 'geezerishness' and irritating Mockney manner, Oliver's recipes work - unlike most celeb chefs - and his books are the ones most used in our house (Delia apart). It was watching his shows that persuaded my son he wanted to be a chef and he's now very happy as a trainee at a hotel in Devon.

So, I'll have to swim against the tide on this one, he's welcome to tea at ours any time, big lips and all.

And, yes, we'd all give Nigella one - goes without saying really.

garfer said...

Fair point Malc.

It's the wooly hat and mansion that really got to me.