Wednesday, September 10, 2008

A Rum Affair

My Bosun Higgs has been rather fractious of late. He is convinced that if we do not change course soon we will either be capsized by sea monsters or fall off the edge of the earth.

He's always been a suspicious sort, dispensing home spun wisdom and old wives tales when in his cups. I am constantly amazed by his rum fuelled loquacity, though I have to say that I am less than happy with his unhealthy interest in my cabin boy, Master Bates. Seaman Staines has informed me that on more than one occasion he has had reason to suspect that Bosun Higgs is more fond of sodomy than rum and the lash.

The bounder may well find himself at the sharp end of my cat o' nine tails, or peering at a sharks grin from the end of the plank. Standards at sea must be maintained, and I will have no hesitation in making an example of one errant crewman in order to ensure the maintenance of a happy ship.

One just can't be too careful.


Mr Pineapples said...

What is Tunnocks?

I need to know

garfer said...

A strange sea monster that lurks in the tumultuous seas off the Cape of Good Hope.

Or a chocolate covered marshmallow biscuit of inestimable deliciousness.

It's hard to tell which.

Peevish McSnark said...

Be careful around those Seamen, Garfy! I hear they're a bunch of pricks.

MJ said...

Who fancies a good rogering?

*purchases front row ticket*

garfer said...

I suppose I shouldn't have expected anything other than puerile double entendres from you two.

Shiver me timbers and hoist the mainsail.

Puppy and Hippo said...

"Bosun Higgs"

That made us laugh.

KAZ said...

mj doesn't do puerile double entendres, she calls a dick a dick and a prick a prick.

But who can ever resist the odd pun on seaman?

garfer said...

Puppy and Hippo

I am pleased to be of service to a pair of stuffed toys. How are your hornpipes?


I imagine you like nothing better than sucking on a Fisherman's Friend.