Tuesday, February 10, 2009

Lunchtime Lesbians

Idling my afternoon away sitting in my car at a popular local beauty spot I was surprised to see two young ladies emerge from their vehicle and assemble their packed lunches on a picnic table. This would be an occurrence unworthy of note had not the temperature been -5C.

Al fresco lunches in sub zero temperatures have never appealed to me. The absence of annoying bastard wasps does not compensate for frost bitten fingers. Still, each to their own I suppose. If people want to indulge in bizarre Polar lunches in the depths of the Scottish winter that is their right and I would defend to the death their right to do so (well, up to a point).

The ladies were obviously lesbians as they both had close cropped hair (one brunette, the other peroxide) and an interesting variety of facial piercings. They also drove a bona fide lesbian car; a small nondescript hatchback of either French or Japanese origin.

These lesbians are tough cookies. In fact, they may be at the apex of human evolution. Risking hypothermia by scorning hats and not being pansy enough to wear gloves just goes to prove they are a superior example of Homo Sapien and are destined to rule the earth.

They didn't even throw their crusts to the seagulls, which proves that they have the mental toughness to take the ruthless decisions necessary to get our economy back on an even keel. Were I in power I would appoint them to run the banks. They mightn't be very keen to grant overdrafts, but at least they wouldn't run up huge taxpayer funded lunch expenses when a ham roll and a can of Sprite in the car park would do.

Cometh the hour, cometh the lesbians.


Jimmy Bastard said...

Cometh the hour, cometh the lesbians, but no cometh any men.

The peroxide one by the way could very well have been Ali McCoist talking to wee Gordy Strachan.

Uddingston.. the centre of the universe, if only you look closely enough.

Ron Knee said...

I hope that the sandwiches they were eatin' were politically correct and had no meat in them...

which is what they scorned lesbo fuckers will never get..

(haww haww!)

Piggy and Tazzy said...

So how long had you been watching the young rug-munchers before they got out of their own car?

And did you approve of their packed lunches?

You dirty old cunt.

Lesbians. Proof there is no gawd.

Piggy and Tazzy said...

Oh, our link was wrong on the last one. Can't be having that, so here's a correction.

Peevish McSnark said...

Tuna sandwiches, no doubt.

KAZ said...

The closest I've ever come to being lesbian was voting for Rhona Cameron on I'm a Celebrity. It's the only time I've ever voted on one of these things.
Now I know I'll never go all the way - I always wear gloves except in August.

MJ said...

England could become a superpower again if the army were full of lesbians.

EmmaK said...

Regarding pierced lesbians - this is the issue I have - what with all those piercings, say you get your nose ring tangled up with her clit ring and can't get untangled how the fuck do you get to the ER without ripping yourself a new one?

garfer said...


Wee Gordy is a ginge. I don't think there are many ginge lesbians about.


Enlightened as always.


Hanging around car parks scoping lesbians is not a habit of mine.


Nah. Tuna is endangered.


Rhona is Scottish lesbo. She gives good head butt.


Indeed. The Taliban would be quaking in their furry boots.


I don't know how Accident and Emergency cope.

Madame DeFarge said...

Didn't know they allowed anyone like in Uddingston. That's almost progressive. The next thing you know, they'll have some in Airdrie. There's a thing.

The Sagittarian said...

I can just picture that! I suppose they were wearing Doc Martins too?

FirstNations said...

I've never made the 'lesbian-economic recovery' connection before and now I can't stop thinking about it. GET OUT OF MY HEAAAAAAAAAAAAD

The Poet Laura-eate said...

Ha ha. 'Lesbian's of the world, I support you!' Echoes of the Urban Warrior, Simon Munnery methinks.

Blimey, some of your commentators are rude - can't a fellow take an innocent antropological interest in studying the lunchbox of a couple of dykes?