Saturday, December 05, 2009


Three syllables: a good name, and one worthy to be christened with. It's the sort of name you could become Godfather to. If it was Tracey, Sharon, or Hilda, I'd run a mile or four in record time.

Women's names are important. I like single syllables, unless they're too common. What I really need is a Jane, Rose, or Liz , to rub soothing unguents into my elderly arthritic hips.

My maternal grandmother was called Pearl. I think she was rather embarrassed by this as she spent the next twelve years squeezing out obnoxious little tykes called Norman, Knox, and Gerald. I won't mention the girls, as there were more of them and they were cleverer. Some of them died from eating raw rhubarb, as you do; one of them fell off back of a tractor and is permanently 11, and the other met a pipsqueak called Gerald and prooduced a further nine with stupid names.

At least we have something over the Yanks. Nobody in these Islands is, to my knowledge, called Franklin Jefferson Truman III. Who in the name of God wants to be third? It suggests inbreeding.

Aye, and here's the rub. I'm paying for a child who may or may not be mine.

Do you know what, I don't care if she is.


Jimmy Bastard said...

We all pay a price at some stage in our lives when it comes to bairns. I have six by birth, and one we collected along the way. It was tradition we went with when it came to scribing their names.

Both Drumchapel & Belfast was thrown into the mix, and it was with some tradition that they evolved with names that are not to be flinched from.

I'd write more, but Square-Sausage has just called, and I have to collect her from her dance class.

The Poet Laura-eate said...

Well at least if your child plays up you can threaten it with a paternity test. Most parents only have a naughty corner to threaten with.

I've always fancied becoming someone's Great Aunt Augustus, but since my sister does not look to be producing any bairns anytime soon (there's obviously less to do in the evenings north of the border ;-) and my name's not Augustus that might be difficult to wangle.

Madame DeFarge said...

I have a double-barreled first name, so I have too many syllables for you. I have too many for most people. It's easier just being called hyphen.

MJ said...

Demand a refund.

EmmaK said...

I was christened Serena but I couldn't stand it so changed it to Emma aged nine. Was I right?