Tuesday, February 14, 2006

Cupid's Arrow


No valentines for me today. It’s ridiculous really, it’s not as though I have hair growing down the back of my neck, persistent body odour, or a severe case of halitosis. OK, I may look a bit hung over from time to time, and my acquaintance with a comb is only a casual thing, but apart from that I’m reasonably presentable (at a distance, in dim light).

Disconsolately, I ventured out to Morrison’s to wander around the food aisles looking hangdog and unwanted. Imagine my surprise when my eyes locked with a gorgeous female's across the frozen foods section. She didn’t wince, which is unusual, and I might have been in with a chance there. Unfortunately I couldn’t think of anything to say other than “do you fancy doing it doggy style over the petit pois?”

Oh well. Maybe next time.

15 comments:

Sniffy said...

Nah, me neither. But then again, I never do get any, so it's no great surprise.

Ho hum.

The nearest I got to any love action was being hauled into Sarah's office where she appeared really shocked when I told her that I wasn't joking about having a benign lump removed from my breast. I could tell that she was really fighting the urge to grab me and give me a huge hug and sloppy kiss.

garfer said...

I think you should play up the agonies of lump removal for all they're worth.

How does six months sickness leave on full pay sound?

Steve said...

Keep trying. That line just may strike it luck some day . . .

Sniffy said...

Well, she was saying "no, no, no! You take all the time that you need", when I tried the "I should be fine within a day, honest, it's just in case there's any pain and I can't get my bra on - I'm not leaving the house without it" . It might stretch to a week if I'm lucky.

Kyahgirl said...

Well happy Valentine's day anyway garfer, and you too tina. They hype these days up so everyone feels inadequate and as if they are somehow missing something. What really matters is working on having some meaningful relationships in your life. They don't have to be a 'love interest'. Those are surprisingly hard to find. I know many people who 'have a Valentine' who would just as soon not.

*cluck, cluck* so spoke mother hen. I better screw off and pick up my kids! :-)

(Next time you see a lovely female, just smile at her. That's the best approach)

Ok, I'm really leaving now before you shoot me.

Inexplicable DeVice said...

Better the petit pois than the frozen turkeys. They're too hard and pointy. She probably would've appreciated your thoughtfulness...

I didn't get any either.

Sigh...

garfer said...

I'm getting visions of Bernard Matthews' 'Bootifull' here.

Top tip Inexplicable.

S.I.D. said...

What??The petit pois?? The petit pois??

Doggy is for the check out.

On the conveyor belt.

suburban wonder said...

Oh dear... I think that doggy style was very considerate of you. Not much worse than having frozen petits pois stuck to your bum...

Wyndham said...

You're a class act, Garfer.

funny thing said...

I always think that blokes look really attractive if they can be described as 'smiley'.
Not that I'm an expert on these things... perhaps it's the opposite for straight women. Maybe they like being scowled at and knocked about a bit?

Anyhow, that's my policy for women. Smiley people are incredibly attractive.
Tina, here's no hope, eh?

Right, I'll be off, then...

garfer said...

If people approach me with a fixed grin I assume they are a psycopath and run away.

Sniffy said...

Smiley men can look a bit simple though.

Was that a dig at me FT?

MHN for short said...

The always eloquent Garfer...

heeee, he heee.

Kyahgirl said...

bronwen makes a good point...