No valentines for me today. It’s ridiculous really, it’s not as though I have hair growing down the back of my neck, persistent body odour, or a severe case of halitosis. OK, I may look a bit hung over from time to time, and my acquaintance with a comb is only a casual thing, but apart from that I’m reasonably presentable (at a distance, in dim light).
Disconsolately, I ventured out to Morrison’s to wander around the food aisles looking hangdog and unwanted. Imagine my surprise when my eyes locked with a gorgeous female's across the frozen foods section. She didn’t wince, which is unusual, and I might have been in with a chance there. Unfortunately I couldn’t think of anything to say other than “do you fancy doing it doggy style over the petit pois?”
Oh well. Maybe next time.
14 comments:
Nah, me neither. But then again, I never do get any, so it's no great surprise.
Ho hum.
The nearest I got to any love action was being hauled into Sarah's office where she appeared really shocked when I told her that I wasn't joking about having a benign lump removed from my breast. I could tell that she was really fighting the urge to grab me and give me a huge hug and sloppy kiss.
I think you should play up the agonies of lump removal for all they're worth.
How does six months sickness leave on full pay sound?
Keep trying. That line just may strike it luck some day . . .
Well, she was saying "no, no, no! You take all the time that you need", when I tried the "I should be fine within a day, honest, it's just in case there's any pain and I can't get my bra on - I'm not leaving the house without it" . It might stretch to a week if I'm lucky.
Well happy Valentine's day anyway garfer, and you too tina. They hype these days up so everyone feels inadequate and as if they are somehow missing something. What really matters is working on having some meaningful relationships in your life. They don't have to be a 'love interest'. Those are surprisingly hard to find. I know many people who 'have a Valentine' who would just as soon not.
*cluck, cluck* so spoke mother hen. I better screw off and pick up my kids! :-)
(Next time you see a lovely female, just smile at her. That's the best approach)
Ok, I'm really leaving now before you shoot me.
♥
Better the petit pois than the frozen turkeys. They're too hard and pointy. She probably would've appreciated your thoughtfulness...
I didn't get any either.
Sigh...
I'm getting visions of Bernard Matthews' 'Bootifull' here.
Top tip Inexplicable.
What??The petit pois?? The petit pois??
Doggy is for the check out.
On the conveyor belt.
Oh dear... I think that doggy style was very considerate of you. Not much worse than having frozen petits pois stuck to your bum...
You're a class act, Garfer.
If people approach me with a fixed grin I assume they are a psycopath and run away.
Smiley men can look a bit simple though.
Was that a dig at me FT?
The always eloquent Garfer...
heeee, he heee.
bronwen makes a good point...
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