Saturday, February 25, 2006

Numpties

I really don’t know what the criminal underworld is coming to. It takes a fair degree of brains to steal £50 million from a security firm, but it displays a staggering lack of forethought not to know how to go about disposing of the stuff.

Some gormless Essex girl associate actually went into a Building Society and tried to deposit £10K in cash still wrapped in the official seal from the cash storage depot. How fucking stupid is that? Then another gang member abandons a white van containing £4 million close to the Eurostar terminal. He might as well have painted ‘cash here – come and get it’ on the side of the van. Useless tosser.

The robbers had six full hours before the police started looking for them. Instead of heading for the south coast they should have headed north. Once over the Scottish border the chances of anyone looking for them, let alone catching them, would have been zilch. I would happily have let them store fifty million in my holiday houses. With the curtains drawn no one would have suspected anything, and the cash would have been safe until Spring. It could then have been transferred to yachts and transported all over Europe.

I would only have required a small commission, say 10%, for my storage facility. I could also have proved useful should any gang member have threatened to go to the police. I know plenty of deserted lochs were a corpse could be disposed of with minimal chance of discovery. Properly wrapped and weighed down with stones, the body would be never be found as there are no fishermen or divers.

I think I may have missed my forte in life. I would make an excellent and discreet gangland fixer. All things considered, I’m sure I’d prefer it to working.

14 comments:

kyahgirl said...

makes you just shake your head....gawd some people are stupid.

I will keep you in mind should I ever become part of an international crime ring and need to think of a good place to hide the treasure 'til things cool down. I think you should consider adding a surcharge for body disposal.

suburban wonder said...

Oooh! Do you need a moll? I know at least one daft bint who'd be up for it.

garfer said...

I'm say'n nothin'.

Spinsterella said...

You have lots of yachts in Scotland?

Sniffy said...

Sounds like you're quite the criminal mastermind beneath that quiet and intellectual exterior.

I think the thing to do after that sort of heist is to go home and act as normally as possible for as long as you can. But to plan something like that and not have a sensible plan of attack for after they got hold of the money is just criminally stupid. They'll probably get about 15-20 years for the crime, but I'd like that extended to life because these idiots clearly need protecting from themselves. How they got through life without causing themselves a life-threatening injury is beyond me.

S.I.D. said...

Can't beat the Irish though..some dimwit tried to burn his stash of the nicked £26 million, and the burning £20 notes came out of his chimney, onto the street below.


Dare I say priceless?

MHN for short said...

He's a mastermind to be sure.

Perhaps you have missed your niche. I understand that you can make tonnes of bucks in that line of work, if you have the stomache for it.

funny thing said...

For £53,000,000 I'd become a criminal mastermind. Nothing in the job ads this week, but I'm hopeful...

suburban wonder said...

Speaking of numpties, are we ever going to get a new post out of you, oh mastermind?

funny thing said...

Aye.
Lazy sod.

MHN for short said...

numpties... I just like to hear that word.... giggling...

S.I.D. said...

Sober up man!

kyahgirl said...

Are you alright garfer? Not stuck in some snowbank somewhere are you?

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