Friday, March 10, 2006

Revenge is a dish best served cold.




A few years ago I sold a house to a guy from Suffolk. He seemed ok at the time; a bit stuffy and reserved, but that isn’t unusual for professional types from the Home Counties.

Over the course of the past couple of years I have discovered, to my chagrin, that he is an arrogant, anal, wanker. He has an obsession with property boundaries, and takes extreme umbrage whenever anyone leaves a vehicle on what he deems his parking area. He doesn’t live here, and only visits three times a year, so why he should get his knickers in a twist over something so minor frankly mystifies me.

Last week I received a solicitor’s letter. I had left a small dinghy at the edge of, but outside his car park. I was informed that this presented an obstruction to vehicular access, and that I should remove it immediately as I was in contravention of the original deeds of sale.

It would be possible to drive a large commercial vehicle into his car park, and I am not obstructing his access in any way. This kind of small minded, ignorant behaviour gets right on my tits, and I have informed my solicitor to rebut his allegation.

I have also (see photo) put a timber kerb around his car park. The tosser hasn’t realised that he hasn’t got sufficient room to park his massive 4 by 4 facing outwards, and will have to park lengthways. If he has visitors, they will have to parallel park, and unless they are driving a small car, will have considerable difficulty. The stupid tit should have checked the dimensions of his grounds before sounding off.

I’m a fairly easy going individual, and I haven’t got a vindictive nature. On this occasion, however, I do have to admit to feeling a smug sense of satisfaction.

That’ll learn the fucktard.

Mwah, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha!

12 comments:

S.I.D. said...

FFS you sold him the house and now he's giving you grief?

Garfer, your from Belfast, show him what a boundary really is.

The bastard.

garfer said...

I think we'll be needing a peace wall before long. I can chuck petrol bombs over it.

kyahgirl said...

heh heh; very nice revenge garfer.

A bomb would be a nice finishing touch.

funny thing said...

Is there any small print prohibiting you from parking a huge van with a big arrow (pointing toward his 4x4) and the legend 'wanker'?

garfer said...

I'm planning to park my car right in front of his car park next time the twat comes up. He'll have to come and ask me to move it.

I will agree to do so, but inform him that I am rather busy and will be 10 or 15 minutes.

Sniffy said...

Sounds like the fucker that lives next to me. He is incapable of reversing off his drive without a song and dance (he's only lived there 7 years!). It seems that there's only one way to do it and, anybody parked in his exclusion zone of the entire avenue, causes him to go into meltdown because he simply cannot cope with having to sort out the thought processes and eye-hand coordination to turn his fucking wheel in any direction other than what he is used to.

I hate people like this. In the case of my neighbour, he gets away with it. I sincerely hope that the cunt who is plaguing you gets his comeuppance.

funny thing said...

Maybe your car should 'mysteriously break down'?
(For a day or two.)

Or maybe you and a few of the locals could re-enact Tubs and Edward and co from League of Gentlemen? Kill 'im and burn 'im... as weirdly as possible.

I hate him on your behalf, matey. I'll come up and join in (if you provide full board and lodgings)(and beer).

Sniffy said...

Yes, that's true. You could burn his house down while he's not there. Or even when he is if you want to have more fun.

And you should wall-off his parking space.

garfer said...

I think I'll send Papa Lazarou round to abduct his wife, the poisonous little troll.

Piggy and Tazzy said...

I agree with Sniffy, it would be hilarious if you erected a fence around his parking space.

Or push a carrot up his exhaust.

I really hate miserable snotty cunts like him.

We have one near us too, who I argue with frequently. Then tell him to 'fuck off' before parking our car in the most unsociable way possible.

First Nations said...

yes, this is what i like to see!well done.
my dear, I can see we are going to get along just fine!!!

MHN for short said...

You go, Garfie! Stick it to the Man!