Wednesday, June 20, 2007

BIFF BANG POW!


ANIMAL

IT is a truth universally acknowledged, that a rock star in possession of a £10 million fortune must be in want of an enema.


All rock stars are arseholes, it's just that some are more rectally challenged than others. It's probably unfair to pick on an individual, but Bono definitely deserves a mention. It's not so much that he's a sanctimonious self righteous git, it's more that he insists on wearing leather trousers. No male with stumpy legs should do this under any circumstances. The only men who wear leather trousers these days (apart from the unfunny tosser Russell Brand) are bikers, and they're all homosexualists who like to stand outside pubs drinking pints of orange juice.


Bono's diminutive pins encased in cowhide are the principal reason why I would rather place my head in the toilet and flush repeatedly than listen to U2.


When I say rock star, I'm really referring to vocalists and lead guitarists. Bass players are usually OK, they just stand there contentedly plucking their four strings. They aren't what you'd call heroic, but they aren't actively offensive either.


All drummers are acceptable. They're either borderline certifiable (Keith Moon, John Bonham), or all round top geezers (Ringo Star, Roger Taylor, Danny Goffey)


The best of the lot is Dave Grohl (OK, he's a multi-instrumentalist). Whenever he tours with the Foo Fighters he always takes his mother with him.


Now that's what I call rock 'n' roll.





8 comments:

jungle jane said...

i'm going to cut Bono some slack for the leather pants - i like that he's not too up himself to wear dead cows. I'm not going to let him get away with 25 years of never having taken his sunglasses off.

The same applies to his pal Stevie Wonder. Get over yourselves dudes. Leave the shades for blind folk, okay...

garfer said...

Blind people are the pits.

They're always poking me with their sticks. I wish they wouldn't do that.

suburban wonder said...

Speaking of diminutive pins, when I was in the Rock & Roll Hall of Fame a few summers back, I saw a pair of Keith Richards' trousers. That man must have the skinniest legs ever found on the male of the species. Kate Moss would've had trouble squeezing herself into those leggings.

Bono is a twat. Jane's right on with the sunglasses thing.

garfer said...

I imagine all that drug use stopped the blood circulation in his legs, hence the skinny strides.

S.I.D. said...

Next time you see Cunto sweating on stage in his leather trousers,just close your eyes and think of the chaffing going on.

Makes you feel warm inside.

Arabella said...

Gene Krupa never wore leather trousers, thank God.

garfer said...

Who he?

Never mind, I shall Google.

funny thing said...

Do you think cows have sweaty insides?
*pondering*