Friday, August 01, 2008

Dutch Cap

You can't really have a go at the Dutch because they're just so inoffensive. What is there to criticize about the culture and habits of hurdygurdymen who like 'guitar based 1970's rock music, yah!'?

Even their well known tolerance of deviants isn't an outcome of prurience or hedonism, but the manifestation of an ingrained Calvinism. Not the hair shirt and 'ban all pictures of boobies' Calvinism of your average Scots Presbyterian; rather the 'each man shall seek out his own salvation' variant. This means that you can get up to anything you want. The Dutch live in 'the low country' and have no objection whatsoever to you going down.

It makes sense: what could possibly demystify drugs more than the soporific sad old hippy boredom of a Amsterdam dope cafe? As for the fat bints displaying their cellulite in shop windows, nothing could dissuade the average Joe from visiting prostitutes more.

The Dutch are also all middle class and determinedly unflashy. They might own just about everything in Europe but you won't catch them flashing Rolexes and boasting about their Bentleys.

The canals of Amsterdam may resemble the concentric circles of hell to some folk but the place gets my vote every time. As far as I can see the only drawback with being Dutch would be speaking English in a ridiculous accent. That would be a big drawback, but not as big a drawback as coming from Birmingham.


KAZ said...


Have you ever tried to drive up a hill behind a row of their caravans?
Nederlanders eh?

garfer said...

Surely a Honda driver like yourself wouldn't mind. Honda drivers are known never to exceed 40 mph, except in emergencies when they accelerate to a frankly irresponsible 45 mph.

Do you keep a tin of travel sweets in the glove compartment?

MJ said...

Blessed are the cheesemakers.

garfer said...

For they shall inherit the Edam.

...or something

Betty said...

I know it's another bad holiday experience (YAWN) but Geoff was taking a picture of me standing by a bridge in Amsterdam when a woman walked past. He gestured to her to walk past before attempting to take the photo, but she stormed up to me, shoved me out of the way and started ranting in Dutch. The last word I heard was "camera".

... so that was one Dutch person who wasn't very easygoing.

By the way, Birmingham has got miles of canals, and is therefore the Amsterdam of Britain.

garfer said...

Every country has its nutters Betty, it's just that you have the knack for attracting them.

Birmingham may have canals, but most of them are full of rusty bicycles and old matresses.

Anonymous said...

... and they make great potato chips.

PO from Nova Scotia

garfer said...

Isn't that the Belgians?

KAZ said...

Sweeties in the glove compartment - don't be ridiculous.

I keep my lined driving gloves there.

They are the popular two-part design with a cotton crochet back, suede palm, centre palm vent and suede welted top.
They are also fleece lined for warmth and comfort.

garfer said...


I'm surprised Honda allow that sort of thing.