Monday, December 15, 2008

Irritating Things


Blind People

For some reason blind people keep bumping into me and poking me with their sticks. Rude isn't the word.

Snow

Constantly forecasted and all we get is freezing rain.

Small Towns

There's always some knob head student claiming that it's great to be back and moaning about seeing the same old faces.

Asparagus

Over rated and stringy.

Jaguars

Used to be cool as fuck but got bloated and sold out to the Injuns.

Banks

Employ the mindless morons that narrowly avoided getting a kicking at school. I'm planning to go blind just so that I can poke mine with a pointy stick (or a taser).

8 comments:

Tessa said...

Don't forget celery - the only veg you can eat and floss your teeth at the same time.

MJ said...

I'd love to poke at you with a pointed stick.

*forms queue behind blind folk*

Tim Footman said...

Those jaguars - are we talking the cars, or the cats? I like the idea of an obesity crisis among South American wildlife.

KAZ said...

You see?.
Even blind people know what you're like.
However - for the very first time we agree about something 'asparagus'.

EmmaK said...

What did the leper say to the prostitute?

Keep the tip.

On a related note mate, asparagus isn't stringy if you just eat the tips.

EmmaK said...

Also, why do blind people go about like they own the pavement with their pointy sticks? why can't they drive a car like everyone else for fucks sake?

Betty said...

There's this very fat blind bloke who lives around here, and he has a white stick which is about ten feet long. I almost collided with him once when I was walking around a corner and I felt really guilty about being such an uncaring bastard for not noticing a bloke with a white stick.

Then, I saw him a few more times and realised that he walks very fast and is always colliding with people. Er, so he's probably the inconsiderate one.

Liberal guilt is a terrible burden to bear, y'know.

Peevish McSnark said...

Asparagus used to be on my list of most reviled vegetables ever. Then I learned to roast it quickly in a very hot oven, after first dousing it in olive oil and balsamic vinegar and giving it a healthy dusting of crunchy Maldon salt.

Don't cook it too long (about 9 minutes will do), shake the tray halfway through, and only eat the top 6 inches.

And get your mind out of the gutter at my last phrase.