Monday, December 22, 2008

Ten Annoying Christmassy Things

* There's always one sweet in the box with a precariously balanced almond on top. One bite and half the almond falls off and rolls under the sofa.

* Everybody hates mince pies, yet everybody feels an inexplicable urge to force them on everybody else.

* People eat After Eight mints and put the empty wrappers back in the box. These people need shooting.

* Big Issue sellers make you feel mildly guilty.

* The Queen.

* Untangling Christmas tree lights. This activity invariably involves high volume cursing and swearing. Personally I'd rather wrestle an octopus.

* Indigestion.

* Squidgy presents. These are usually provided by skinflint relatives who think that a hand knitted jumper with baggy sleeves or a pair of socks are a fair swap for being providing with copious amounts of free food and booze.

* People who think a game of 'Twister' is the perfect way to occupy Christmas Day afternoon.

* Party hats. I have no desire to look a complete twat, whatever the occasion.

Bah humbug!



EmmaK said...

Untangling Christmas tree lights

am I the only lazy cow who just hangs them up in a tangle?

Also, I love mince pies. Can't get decent one's here for love nor money. Will have to bake my own.

Sniffy said...

I love mince pies so long as they have a puff and not short crust pastry case.

And I'm exempt from party hats by virtue of my hair - they just don't fit on.

Big issue sellers never make me feel guilty, just dirty.

Tessa said...

I love mince pies - they're the only part of this whole infernal feast that I enjoy. Maybe it's because I make them with almondy pastry and a meringue topping ... and lots and lots and lots of booze in the mince ... mmm, mince pies. *drool*

Sniffy said...

I love the huge Costco ones with the sponge topping.

garfer said...

Crikey, mince pie fanciers.

I have to admit that the puff pastry variety are acceptable, but only with a large dollop of brandy cream.

Sniffy said...

Oh yeah, freshly whipped cream (no brandy for me) on a mince pie is fuckin' delish!

FirstNations said...

...But would you say that if it were the Queen playing Twister? huh? huh? no you would not. I happen to know that Liz is a Twister DEMON. You would totally lose. She'd get you in a hammerlock down on the mat there and then she would take out her false teeth and gum you a little bit.

and with that image firmly implanted, have a Merry Christmas Garfer!!!


Tim Footman said...

You forgot the most annoying Christmassy thing, which is Christmas itself. Every year, I will Jimmy Stewart to think, "Nah, bollocks to that, I'll top meself anyway."

MJ said...

Nekkid twister, anyone?

garfer said...


Quennie is also a pool shark, a Scrabble whiz, and always wins at tiddlywinks.


I like the cut of yer jib.


That's enough vulgarity for one year. Get thee to a nunnery.

Betty said...

Menstruating on Christmas day.

Have a merry one anyway. Don't mind me :(

garfer said...

Thank you for sharing that with me Betty.

MJ said...

Betty: I see your menstruating on Christmas Day and raise you Cramps on Christmas!

KAZ said...

I never ever ever wear party hats - my hair's daft enough.

The Poet Laura-eate said...

There is a lot to be said for Christmas on one's tod actually.

Vastly underrated.