Saturday, August 29, 2009

Speaking of Librarians

Libraries are hotbeds of sexual tension. Urgencies are repressed next to the photocopier, there are muffled fumblings in the archives, the Shelf Stacker has dreams about shagging Tracy the Tesco checkout girl.

And that's just the Large Print section, next to the Gujarati Shelf and the revolving ancient CD's which used to be slightly popular whirligig thingumabob (or is it a tumbrel?)

I wish my local library didn't insist on employing auld bints in polyester slacks. Bad perms strolling around vagrants smelling of pee while leafing through Gardener's Weekly is not my idea of sexual Nirvana.

I think I'll go for the Late Returns harridan who winks at me with her one good eye, which isn't glass:

She's gagging for it.


KAZ said...

Your mate Larkin did OK in the stacks.
My local library is staffed by young men. I think they would fancy you summat rotten.

Mopsa said...

Too much Larkin I think Garfer. All I got from the library were books smelling of must. Not lust.

Jimmy Bastard said...

Try leaving the porn section and start browsing the greats.

Can I interest you in a liberal sprinkling of James Joyce, Seamus Heaney and even your man Yeats?

Madame DeFarge said...

I nearly became a librarian. Just as well I didn't. Couldn't have coped with the sexual tension.

Piggy and Tazzy said...

Librarians are the spawn of the Devil.

Larkin? Pah!

garfer said...


Keep yer young man fantasies to yerself.


You obviously frequent the wrong libraries.


Or Sammy Beckett. Always good for a laff.


A wise move. It would have been knee tremblers all round.

Piggy and Tazzy

Exacters of fines and baggy underwear wearers.

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