Thursday, November 24, 2005

Northern Exposure


Typical British weather forecast hyperbole today. WARNING! SEVERE RISK OF DISRUPTION. Every time they forecast snow in this country I sigh, and think, no fucking chance mate.

Take today for instance. Northerly gales emanating from the polar ice cap will apparently engulf large areas of the country, and blizzard conditions will engulf northern Scotland. Here I sit in northern Scotland looking out of my window and what do I see? FLURRIES. That’s right, pathetic little snow flurries blown along on a light
breeze. The few (poor excuse for) snowflakes that make it to ground level melt instantly.

I’m going on holiday (again) tomorrow. Somehow I don’t think I’ll have to pack Ray Mears and a snow shovel in the boot of my car. The chances of having to dig a snow hole and share a few Pot Noodles with Ray as we await rescue are, frankly, remote.
I wouldn’t want to spend a night in a snow hole with Ray anyway, he probably has smelly feet. I wouldn’t mind huddling down with Uma Thurman or PJ Harvey though.
That would be most enjoyable.

7 comments:

Wyndham said...

Have a good holiday (again!)

surly girl said...

there's no way ray mears actually does any of that suvivalist nonsense. he has the pasty complexion and soft, sluggy physique more akin to that of someone who spends all his time eating mummy's steak and kidney pudding, rather than whittling a spoon halfway up a mountain in khazakstahn.

Betty said...

At least you got the George Best obitiuary out of the way first (he is having the most drawn-out death since the Pope).

Enjoy your holiday. The weather will get better from Sunday (..apparently).

garfer said...

I have it on good authority that Ray can make fire using only his foreskin and a toothbrush.
He is da man.

Rowan said...

well if you were hoping for snow, why not join us here in Arctic Canada? Hmmmm? freaking freezing my heinie off right now, I'd gladly trade with ya.

garfer said...

You guys get to club seals to take your mind off things.
I suppose you must get fed up with snow when you get buried in the stuff for four months.

frobisher said...

We had a ground frost three days on the trot in Bournemouth last week - it was hellish.