Wednesday, November 09, 2005

Snooze Hound


It’s well known that Margaret Thatcher only required a maximum of three hours sleep a night. This fact, in conjunction with her blonde helmet bouffant, has long led me to believe that she was in fact an alien, sent among us to chastise us for our errant and lackadaisical ways. She certainly did plenty of chastising: just ask the coal miners, or Geoffrey Howe.

Personally, I require a minimum of seven hours sleep a night, and quite like ten when I have the opportunity. I think that I have a natural aptitude for snoozing, my flair for narcolepsy frequently displaying itself in alarm clocks flung at the bedroom wall with extreme prejudice.

I can’t be doing with these bright and cheerful ‘morning people’, the type who leap out of bed with a hearty cry of “hello trees, hello birds”. The thought of going out jogging first thing in the morning, or breaking sweat at a gym, fills me with horror. Emerging from my REM’s, I require a gentle reintroduction to the world of reality, a peaceful space before confronting the annoyances and irritations which will beset me during the course of the day. The poet Phillip Larkin described lying in bed as the light filtered into his bedroom :….”telephones crouch, getting ready to ring in locked-up offices, and all the uncaring, intricate, rented world begins to rouse”. Larkin was an arch miserabilist, but I’m definitely with him there.

Edgar Allan Poe described sleep as “those little slices of death”. Unfortunately for Edgar, he didn’t have the benefits of a 15 tog snuggle down duvet, and a teasmade. If he had, he might have thought differently.

Snooze for Britain I say. More time in bed means less of a drain on the national grid, and consequently a greener world. Anyway, why should we have to get up while it’s still dark outside? It’s downright unnatural.

20 comments:

MHN for short said...

Yey! i'm first! i quite agree with you, Garfer. i'm a mid morning kinda gal meself. 10 am is the perfect time of day, not too early and not too late. I wish that i could have a lie in once in a while. :-p

Sniffy said...

I'm most productive before 9 in the morning (while at work); I think I just get things over and done with. However, I'm with you and I could sleep for England (or Britain, or Italy even). Given the choice, I'd get up between 9 and 10am and lounge around in my pyjamas till about midday. Unfortunately, we don't have the choice do we? In my case I'm up at 5.30-6am and at my desk for 7 or 8am. Criminal.

Even in the summer, I can't believe I ever welcome waking with anything other than a groan. However, this time of year is particularly difficult.

garfer said...

Having to get up at 5.30am must be horrific. Thank god I don't work a 9 to 5 anymore.
The city types have 'power breakfasts'. That wouldn't suit me, I'd probably fall asleep face down in my cornflakes.
Up here in the frozen north it will shortly not be light until 9.00am and dark at 4.00pm (and that's on sunny days).

Sniffy said...

Yep, that's how it us for us too, bloody awful. The advantage of starting when I do is that I'm usually finished by 4pm, so it's not all bad.

Piggy and Tazzy said...

Oi! What's going on? Everyone's nicking my phrase! *cries*

Teasmades. I always wanted one of them. I dont understand why we don't all have them. I hate having to go downstairs in the morning, fighting for possession of the stairs while the cats weave in and out of my trotters.

And Thatcher (spit) wasn't an alien. She was Frankenstein reborn.

Oddly enough, she is also the only human being I have ever wanted to murder.

S.I.D. said...

Hell I hate the dark too.
And I don't want a bloody teasmaid/teasmade you lazy gets.

I want my coffee brought to me on the naked back of April,with a couple of needles thrown in just to stick in her when it amuses me.

Piggy and Tazzy said...

Knitting needles, I presume?

She'd like that.

MHN for short said...

I think I could use a quiet death... I love Poe.

Aginoth said...

Up at 6 in work by 7, don't get to see the sun again until March

garfer said...

April in a maids uniform bringing tea and toast. Yes, I can just see it (not).

surly girl said...

i love sleeping, i'm just not very good at it. small person could sleep for england, and likes a lie-in til 9 or 10 of a weekend. she's only five - by the time she gets to fifteen i'll never see her what with all the sleeping and mooching about.

oh god. have just realised that at some point i will have a fifteen year old daughter.

what have i done?

Wyndham said...

Here, here! I love sleeping, it's good practice for when you're dead, and with the raging hangover I have at the moment, I could sleep right n -

garfer said...

Sleep is indeed the best hangover cure. Either that or don't go to bed in the first place, just keep drinking.

BigDov said...

My problem is that when I have a hangover, I always wake up early. I then can't get back to sleep cos my head thumping and my stomachs doing cartwheels - might need to tone down the vodka and red bull !

suburban wonder said...

Sleep is my thing, too. I love naps, especially. They feel so decadent and self-indulgent. I get up at 5:30 am so I can get to school by 7 am.

On my latitude, it now gets light at 7 am and dark at 5 pm. We've switched to Daylight Savings Time, which is complete bollocks.

garfer said...

I never feel wholly human until 10.00am or thereabouts. A few caffeine hits and some chocolate do wonders for the rejuvenation process.

surly girl said...

um, can anyone else not get on tina's blog? where is it?

surly girl said...

oh, hang on....found it somewhere else. but there's nowt on it, and i got a popup straight away...

*confused*

garfer said...

Coming up fine here. No pop ups or nowt.

Rowan said...

i seriously cannot do without a full 10 hours sleep, and I feel best at 12.