Thursday, November 17, 2005

"You were marvellous dahling"

There are many professions in which their members spend a disproportionate amount of time contemplating their own rectums. Fashion designers, style journalists, pop starlets, and their ilk, are all partial to a spot of colonic self inspection.

The most narcissistic and self centred of the lot have to be the thespians. They have convinced themselves that the ability to stand on stage, or in front of a camera, and pretend to be somebody else is one of the highest forms of art. They try to persuade the world that they suffer many privations in their search for fame and success; chief amongst these being lying on the sofa moaning that their agent hasn’t found them any parts, and claiming dole to keep themselves in face paint and tights.

The public seems to have a perverse interest in the acting profession. No Sunday colour supplement is complete without a four page spread on some hot young thesp who is on the verge of breaking into the Hollywood A list. What newspaper editors fail to realise is that most of these people are uninteresting tits. They might scan the odd screenplay, but they spend most of their time feverishly reading the press in order to find as many mentions of their name as possible.

I don’t really care if Jude Law’s been shagging his nanny. I don’t give a monkey’s toss about Tom Cruise’s devotion to L Ron Hubbard, or Richard Gere’s audiences with the Dalai Llama. There is nothing interesting about these people. They haven’t written a screenplay, they don’t direct or produce, and they might be able to recite blank verse but they certainly can’t write it.

I know that not all thespians merit this diatribe. There are one or two worthy of note who I will probably idolise in some future post. I’m nothing if not inconsistent.


Sniffy said...

It's the way the press and others jump on the bandwagon to elevate the status of some of these people that gets me. How can you go from ordinary actor to the best thing since Olivier (who was boring except in Sleuth and Clash of the Titans) at the drop of a final edit on a cutting room floor?

What really ticks me off about some of these people is the way their accents change when they move to America. Just look at Mel Gibson, Catherine Zeta Jones, Isla Fisher, Sheena Easton, and now Madonna coming over here with her English ways for fuck's sake! These are grown up people, not children. This sort of thing just does not happen in the real world. Bunch of affected bastards.

Here's a question for you: Have you ever been able to take Tom Cruise seriously in any role that he's played? No, me neither.

garfer said...

The last time Sheena Easton sang in Scotland the audience pelted her with bottles. There's nothing like welcoming home one of your own.
Take Tom Cruise seriously? Nah. He doesn't act, he just plays Tom Cruise.

Sniffy said...

...And shouts.

S.I.D. said...

Yes T agree with you on Sleuth.

I once starred in a school production of the Pied Piper of Hamlyn, as a rat.

And hey look at me now!

suburban wonder said...

I think the Hollywood machine demands that accents be lost or muted, which is a great loss to the movie-going public. I mean, take Ioan Gruffydd, for example. The only Hollywood production I've heard him do in his native accent was 102 Dalmations, and that was a stinker. Then you've got Gwyneth Paltrow and Renee Zellweger doing their fakey English accents every chance they get. What the fuck? Why not just pick an English actress in the first place?

And don't get me started on Madge/Esther/whatevershe'scallingherselfthesedays. Oy vey.

pissoff said...

Tits... all of them

garfer said...

The only North American that can do a British accent properly is Jonny Depp.

Rowan said...

mmmm....jude law, dont care if he produces or not, he's the kind of man I'd like to produce something he's lovely.

Rowan said...

oh and interesting thoguth for you, most of these "hollywood" actors, adopt a canadian accent (as purportedly its easiest to understand) rather than a yank one! Just thought you'd find that interesting..

Faltanus said...

I agree with you Garf. And even when it comes to the really great ones - as people, they are no more or less interesting than the rest of us. Take Meryl Streep for example. Highly regarded as one of the great film actresses of our time (and I do love her movies), what the hell do I care who she is married to, where she went shopping last week or what she is having for dinner tonight. But the media is only partially to blame for all the hype that these hollywood types get. It's a cliche, but it's true - if there wasn't a market out there for it, it wouldn't sell. It's the mindless sheep of our populace that feeds on that drivel.

Kyahgirl said...

Hiya garfer, just wandering in from surly girl's blog.
I have to agree with faltanus about the mindless sheep perpetuating the market.
I don't know about your corner of the world but here, even the newcaster's become celebrities, just because they're on T.V.
It pathetic.

garfer said...

Hi Kyahgirl
Our newsreaders used to have a proper background in print journalism. These days they're mostly autocue monkeys chosen for their cheekbones and hairsstyles.