Monday, December 12, 2005

The Ballad of Piggy and Tazzy

I’m sure that everyone is aware of the deep affection for poetry felt by Barnsley based bloggers Piggy and Tazzy. Moved by their deep appreciation of all things poetic, I felt compelled to pen some verse in their honour.

The Ballad of Piggy and Tazzy

I

Piggy and Tazzy went to sea
In a beautiful pea green used condom,
They took some honey, and plenty of money,
Wrapped up in a five pound note.
The Pigster looked up to the stars above,
And sang to a small guitar,
‘O lovely Tazzy! O Tazzy my love,
What a beautiful Tazzy you are
You are,
You are!
What a beautiful Tazzy you are!’

II

Tazzy said to the Pigster, ‘You elegant bumboy!
How charmingly sweet you sing!
O let us be married! too long we have tarried:
But what shall we do for a ring?’
They sailed away, for a year and a day,
To the land where the Bong-tree grows
And there in a wood a rent boy stood
With a ring at the end of his dong,
His dong,
His dong,
With a ring at the end of his dong.

III

‘Dear boy, are you willing to sell for one shilling
Your ring?’ Said the rent boy, ‘I will.’
So they took it away, and were married next day
By the trannie who lives on the hill.
They dined on mince, and slices of quince,
Which they ate with a runcible spoon;
And hand in hand, on the edge of the sand,
They danced by the light of the moon,
The moon,
The moon,
They danced by the light of the moon.


Garfer (with apologies to Edward Lear).

15 comments:

suburban wonder said...

Yay! I'm first!

And that poem is fucking brilliant! I'm mightily impressed. I think our dear Herge is going to have to go a ways to top that one.

P&T, I think you need a copy of this in calligraphy to frame and hang somewhere suitably impressive in your home. Like the loo.

Convict said...

Yay, I'm not first.

Great poem and for those who were wondering about the driving while getting your wing wang squeezed, there was an article/post written by some bloke that I can't remember the name of or be bothered to google. It was quite amusing too.

Convict said...

Oh yeah, and the reason why the number of people being killed by drink drivers is because road traffic police, remember them from about 10 years ago, have been replaced by the cost effective (honest they really do help lower deaths by speeding even though Ladyboy/man whatever his name is has just had to admit within the last fortnight that they don't) speed cameras.

garfer said...

I am glad you are impressed Bronwen. I may pen an ode in your honour should the muse descend upon me.

The article was written by American satirist P J O'Rourke convict.

Herge Smith said...

Beautiful.

garfer said...

It's just the 'Owl and the Pussycat' with some words changed Herge.

Don't get carried away.

piggy and tazzy said...

Fucking fantastic!

Revenge is ON THE WAY!!!

garfer said...

Should the teacake suffer from extra judicial justice you shall be damned for all eternity!

funny thing said...

Heh heh! Can I nick it to put on some friends' Christmas cards?

Sniffy said...

I'm filling up.

That needs to be read out at their wedding.

Faltanus said...

i'm amazed and inspired by how you've captured the essence of homo-love in verse there Garf. if one didn't know better, one might suspect....

Oink and Arf said...

We've suspected for eons.

Come out, come out....

We like these butch ones that act all straight. They tend to be real kittens in bed. Spending all their life bottling it up, when what they really want is some sausagemeat up the poop-tube.

Don't worry, Cake Face, we'll be here to hold your hand when the time is right.

And film it.

garfer said...

'Sausagemeat up the poop-tube. Waht a delightful turn of phrase!

I can assure you that I'm heterosexual, but there's no point labouring the point becuase you'll just claim that I have summat to hide.

Sniffy said...

It is they that have something to hide - up your poop tube.

garfer said...

Perish the thought.