Thursday, December 15, 2005

Christmas Charity




There’s nothing I enjoy more of a Christmas morn’ than to go out and pour a thermos flask of piping hot soup over the homeless. At this special time of year frostbitten limbs are particularly receptive to some hot scotch broth, or carrot and coriander. I can tell they are pleased because they always do a little dance to show their appreciation of my kind hearted charity.

If more people were prepared to make a public spirited gesture like this, I am sure that Britain would be a happier place. In our modern consumerist world, many people think that tossing sachets of dehydrated chicken noodle soup out of their BMW windows into shop doorways is an adequate gesture towards those less fortunate than themselves. This just shows what the world is coming to: at the very least you would think they would be able to manage a Pot Noodle or two.

As a special treat this year, I plan to collect some half eaten kebabs to distribute amongst the needy. They may be a bit congealed, but will still be full of meaty natural goodness. The chilli sauce will add a cheery festive note, and add a soupcon of merriment to what would otherwise be a bleak time of year.

I urge all of you to consider what you can do for the needy this Christmas. In our atomised, me first world, it is far too easy to take our own comfort for granted and neglect the needs of others. Just remember, there but for the grace of God go I.
Mixed dried pulses are on special offer at Asda this week. Go on, do your bit. I know you wont regret it.

13 comments:

pissoff said...

Yay....I'm first!

yes.. I actually threw some ham away yesterday and the Nemisis dug it out and put it in a sandwich. with the nemisis taking all the good stuff I don't have much left.

garfer said...

Waste not want not.

He'll probably die from food poisining.

Sniffy said...

Garfer, you have a heart of pure gold! To think that you of all people would give away anything to do with a kebab warms my own hear at this time of year.

Your nemesis sounds like my Dad April. He takes things out of the bin and eats them too. Dirty fucking pig.

Piggy and Tazzy said...

I made some lentil soup last night.

We still have some left.

I'll nuke it in the ding machine until it's very very very piping hot and pour it over the junkie tramp down the road.

The lentils should stick. Somewhat enhancing the length of the warm experience.

garfer said...

That would be a kind and cosiderate act.

I am touched by the generosity of your nature...sniff.

becca said...

I was thinking about you this weekend Garf. There is a porridge bar outside of the thistle hotel in edinburgh. Really nice hot honest to God Scottish porridge,mmmm.
I guess I should have poured it over the homeless. next time.

garfer said...

I was joking Becca. I hope nobody has taken this post seriously!

Porridge is probably not a good idea. They might get glued to the pavement.

Aginoth said...

I hope you don't forget the Gruyere topped Croutons....

Sniffy said...

yeah, why not go the whole hog and pour petrol over them and set light to it??

garfer said...

That would be unkind to the environment. They should be microwaved, and any rendered down fat used to power diesel 4 by 4's.

suburban wonder said...

I think some traditional potato & leek soup would be a delightful way to wake up on Christmas morn while sleeping al fresco. Love your dual purpose suggestion - give the gifts of warmth and nourishment at the same time. Bravo, Garfer! Such a humanitarian.

becca said...

I know you were joking sweetpea..I can still smell sarcasm...even with this fucking cold ;)

garfer said...

Thought so, I was checking. It was supposed to be satire, heh ho.