Wednesday, December 21, 2005

Liberte, Egalite, Bollocks.

Things that I like about the French:

  1. Croissants.

  2. Isabelle Adjani (obviously).

  3. Jules et Jim.

  4. Monsieur Hulot’s Holiday.

  5. Albert Camus.

  6. Claret.

  7. Er…. That’s about it.

Things that I dislike about the French:

  1. Scrounging farmers expecting us to subsidise them.

  2. Honking cheese.

  3. Being crap at war (WWII, Algeria, Vietnam etc).

  4. Not speaking English.

  5. Gites.

  6. Charles Asnavour.

  7. Serge Gainsborough.

  8. Meddling in Africa.

  9. Jean Marie le Pen.

  10. Pretentious films.

  11. The Foreign Legion (see 3).

  12. Stinky toilets.

  13. Overpriced Claret.

  14. Rude waiters.

  15. The Citroen 2CV.

  16. The Porn D’or.

  17. Jean Paul Sartre.

  18. Eating horses.

  19. Men carrying handbags.

  20. Not eating roast beef.

15 comments:

MHN for short said...

And as an American, I will add, enlisting US to fight their wars and then talking crap abouts us afterward. Gits!

frobisher said...

I disagree about the cheese, love them all. Another couple of plus points:- 1)those great creme anglais pastries. 2) Mustards, they do loads and very cheap over there. The beautiful countryside and fantastic vistas with a laid back attitude to life.
Minus points:- A bit wiffy, personal hygene not very high up on many French peoples agendas.

Alex M said...

I like the cheese, and you've got to admire big Serge for turning up pished to a chat show and telling Whitney Houston that he'd like to "fook" her.

Oh, and you forgot to add Audrey Tatou to the "like" list. Or "The Lovely" Audrey Tatou, to give her her full title.

garfer said...

Most of the cheese is great, its the ones that smell like three day old used underpants that I object to.

Audrey Tatou (yes). Isabelle Adjani (yes, yes, yes).

Merkin said...

How on Earth can you object to the "Porn d'Or"? It's true class!

garfer said...

Have you won an award at the Porn d'Or Merkin?

Please tell all!

S.I.D. said...

Yes apparently when the French heard the Hemmel Hempstead bang they telegrammed the UN and said "we surrender".

S.I.D. said...

Oh and its their bloody accent that winds me up.

garfer said...

Apart from Isabel Adjani's (obviously).

S.I.D. said...

Well her heavy breathing at least?

Herge Smith said...

I have no problem at all with the french. It's the english I most object to, me included.

We're the best at being arrogant by far. Arrogant fuckers that we are.

garfer said...

That's why its best being from the Celtic fringe. We can blame everything on the arrogant English.

To tell you the truth, making generalisations about the English is daft. What does someone from Newcastle have in common with someone from Bournemouth?

I hate the French because they regard themselves as the most civilized people on earth. Problem is, they are. Cunts.

Sniffy said...

Fucking hate the French. They are a bunch of lazy, greedy, arrogant cunts.

Their cheeses and wines are overrated.

Everything else about them is shit.

End of story.

garfer said...

Nothing brightens up my day like a trenchant black and white opinion.

Sniffy said...

I once had a friend who would rather pay for his own wine and £7 corking fee at his wedding because he refused to have the French stuff that came as part of the package with the reception people. What a star.