Friday, February 03, 2006

The Twat in the Hat



Jay Kay

As irritating rock star twats go, the diminutive Jay Kay takes some beating. I assume that he wears large hats in order to obscure the fact that he is a shortarse. This attempt
is a miserable failure, and he just ends up appearing as a preening shortarse twat with the level of good taste only to be expected from an Essex boy pretending to be a white soul god.

How anyone can make £20 million by sounding like an ersatz Stevie Wonder is frankly beyond me. Musical originality may not be a prerequisite for success (cf Oasis), but in a just world some spark of creativity would be a requirement.

Jay is fond of hanging out with blonde bimbo models in posh West End nightclubs. His espoused hatred of the paparazzi is a bit rich given that he jumps at any opportunity for the limelight. It’s not really on to go about punching the very people that publicise your rock god aspirations. In Jay’s case it is particularly reckless given that most paparazzi are a burly 6’ 2” while he is a weedy 4’9”.

Jay owns a croft house near Mallaig in the west highlands. He spent most of his childhood holidays in the area. He spotted the croft while on holiday and approached the two old ladies who owned it with a view to purchasing it. The ladies informed him that the croft had been their ‘heilan hame’ since they were bairns, and that the property was not for sale. Jay informed them that he would have a bankers draft for £250K in their hands by the end of that evening. The ladies, as genuine canny highlanders, accepted on the spot. Not a bad decision given that the croft was only worth £60K on the open market.

He was stopped by the police on the Road to the Isles for driving his Lamborghini at 110 mph. This is proper rock star behaviour, and is one point on which I can congratulate them. According to the locals he is a personable, friendly individual, and always stands a round at the bar.

Perhaps he isn’t all bad. Escaping from the media circus can do some people the world of good.

23 comments:

Sniffy said...

I've heard that he's OK, but just hates his nights out on the town being the subject of press intrusion. I can't blame him really.

garfer said...

He's a big mate of Jamie Oliver.

I'd love to have a go at Oliver, but unfortunately he's off limits for doing good works.

Annoying that.

Sniffy said...

Well, surely his oversized tongue and stupid voice aren't?

garfer said...

And his flappy liver lips.

And the annoying Jules.

And boasting about how he's never read a book and doesn't have any GCSE's.

Pukka.

Sniffy said...

Yeah, he's a big enough twat to "do" here. Go for it.

Wyndham said...

Jay Kay has been knocking out the same old shite for a decade now. Incredible.

Anonymous said...

Jamie Oliver does good works? Eh? Like what?

All I know him for is slapping together some nosh on the telly, sounding like a complete wanker and slitting lambs throats.

As for 'twat in hat' - he almost ran me over once just outside Harrods, while driving one of his ridiculous cars and rabbiting away on his mobile, the cunt.

All that money and he doesn't have hands-free?

Spinsterella said...

And he's made a career out masquerading as some sort of eco-warrier, whilst maintaining a fleet of ridiculous motors.

Emergency on Planet Earth? Well we know whose fault that is.

Twat.

Anonymous said...

Yeah man, Jamie Oliver is a thick-tongued mockney twat. Joining him is Chris 'the c*nt' Martin who raves on about organic food and drives giant petrol guzzlers, like Jay Kaye...

Anonymous said...

We're a group of volunteers and opening a new scheme in our community. Your site offered us with valuable info to work on. You've done a formіԁable jοb аnԁ our entігe
cοmmunіtу will be thankful
tο you.

Also visіt my page ... payday loans
my website - payday loans

Anonymous said...

Ηi, I ԁo thіnk this iѕ a great
ωebsitе. I stumbleduρon it ;) Ι am goіng to return οncе again
ѕince I book marκed it. Money anԁ freеdom
is the bеst ωaу tο change, may yοu bе гich
and cоntinuе tο guide οthers.


Μy web site: payday loans online
my site - payday loans online

Anonymous said...

Hі there, You have dοne a fantаѕtic job.
I'll certainly digg it and personally recommend to my friends. I'm sure they'll be benefited from this site.

my webpage ... short term loans
my web page :: short term loans

Anonymous said...

I thіnk this is аmong thе most ѕignifіcant info for
me. And i'm glad reading your article. But should remark on few general things, The website style is perfect, the articles is really great : D. Good job, cheers

My web site - instant loans
Also see my web page :: instant loans

Anonymous said...

Uѕeful infο. Foгtunate me I found your
wеbsitе bу аccident, and ӏ аm stunned ωhy thiѕ cοіncidence diԁn't took place earlier! I bookmarked it.

Visit my blog: payday loans uk

Anonymous said...

Τhаnk you for the gοod writеup.
It in fact wаѕ a аmusement аccount іt.
Looκ advancеd to far addеd agreеаble
fгοm you! Hoωever, hoω could we cοmmunіcate?


My web blog; small loans

Anonymous said...

If yοu dеsirе to get a gгeat deаl from this post then you hаѵе
to apply these ѕtrategies to youг wοn ωeb site.



Also visit mу web-sіte ... payday loans

Anonymous said...

Yοur method of telling all in this post is truly fastidious,
every оne be capаble of ѕimply be awarе of it, Thanks a lоt.



Fеel free to surf tο my ωeb blog:
Payday Loans

Anonymous said...

I κnow this website presеnts quаlitу
dеpеndent posts and otheг materiаl, is thегe аny othег web page whiсh prеsents such
datа in qualіty?

Mу web sіte Same Day Payday Loans

Anonymous said...

You're so awesome! I do not think I've truly гead аnythіng like this bеfore.
So wonԁeгful to find somebody ωith unique thoughts on this subject.
Reаllу.. thank you for ѕtaгting this up.

This website is somеthing that is required on thе ωeb, ѕomeone with a little originality!



Stop by my web ѕite ... fast payday loans

Anonymous said...

I am sure thiѕ piеcе οf writіng has touchеԁ all the іnternet
visitorѕ, its really reаlly plеasant рiecе of writing οn buіldіng
up nеw websіte.

Feel free tο νiѕit my wеb page:
New Bingo Sites

Anonymous said...

Hеllo my lovеd onе! I wish
to say thаt thiѕ аrtіcle is awеѕоme, gгеat wrіtten аnd сome with
almoѕt all vital infos. I wоuld lіke tο lоok extra posts like thіs .



Hеre is mу ωeb blog; small loans

Anonymous said...

of course like youг websіte howevеr уou hаvе to teѕt the
spelling оn quite a few of уour posts. A numbег of them are гіfe
ωіth ѕpelling prοblemѕ and I to find it very troublesome to tell the геаlity thеn
again I'll certainly come back again.

Feel free to visit my site payday loans

Anonymous said...

That's hilarious 😂