Saturday, June 10, 2006

Bang 'em up.



The liberal middle classes have reacted with consternation to the news that the British prison population now stands at 80,000. Surely, they cry, more should be done by way of rehabilitation: after all, the poor miscreants have merely reacted to severe social deprivation by knifing passers by and stealing stuff.

Frankly, I’m amazed that the figure is as low as this; 80,000 is the population of a large town like Gloucester. Given the number of semi house trained retards and bling ridden pychos wandering the streets off their faces, I’d have expected the figure to be nearer 250,000.

Rather than squander billions on NHS Trusts that would have trouble ensuring the efficient removal of a pensioners bunion, we should be investing the money in some shiny new prisons. As for rehabilitation, I imagine a prison officer’s charter that encouraged the screws to give the inmates a good kicking on a regular basis would do much to discourage recidivism.

I find the prevalence of knife carrying youths disturbing. Glasgow has had a problem with this since the 1920’s, but the problem seems to have spread to the rest of the country in recent years. The usual bollocks about education being the solution, and a pathetic knife amnesty, have been tried in Glasgow and failed miserably. You won’t find me on Sauchiehall Street at 2 am on a Saturday morning. I have no desire to find my innards dangling on the pavement after being stabbed by a pissed numptie in a Kappa jacket.

Carrying knives is culturally ingrained. The only way to stop it is to make the offence of carrying an offensive weapon in public subject to a mandatory five year jail sentence. It’ll cost a bit banging up the little tossers, but I don’t imagine it’ll cost much more than doling out their weekly state benefits.

An interesting educational resource on Glasgow’s knife culture can be found here. I particularly recommend the ‘Gallery of the Neds’.


14 comments:

S.I.D. said...

Bring back the Birch I say.

garfer said...

The cat 'o' nine tails is preferable, it tends to emphasise the point.

Arabella said...

Is it the fashion now to wear strips of black sticky-backed-plastic on the head?
Not a trend I've noticed in San Francisco.

frobisher said...

I think rather than building prisons they should outsource them to India, China, etc. It would cost a fraction of the cost to jail them in these countries and would act as an increased deterent. Is that what you call a win-win situation?

pissoff said...

I say kill 'em. Bring back the death penalty, kill em all and let God sort em out. Either that or chop off both of their hands and their left foot.

garfer said...

Perhaps their should be a San Francisco/Glasgow cultural exchnge programme arabella. Both metropolises are familiar will damp and drizel, and consequently will find much in common.

Good thinking frobisher.

Your moderate and cosidered approach merits some thought April.

garfer said...

That should be 'there' DOH!

funny thing said...

I like the Steak Pie song.
("Steak, steak pie, on my apron"... why is that so funny?)

I'm dead intelligent, me.

garfer said...

Thanks for sharing that.

The Blind Flaneur said...

Since the invention of sliced bread and vegetarianism, we don't really need sharp knives at all. Those rounded blunt ones with fake ivory handles that your gran has satisfy all our needs, and pose no threat to the social fabric.

First Nations said...

um, coming from a gun-toting kind of country, i find all this worry about knives a little bemusing.

top tip: you know what a windshield witper is? a 2ft. weighted thong you carry on your keyring. (word; get yo bitch be braid it up fo you.) no blade wielding moron is a match for the windshield wiper. so known as it
also comes in handy for those punks who insist on riding your taillight. it enforces that 'one car length between you and the motorcycle ahead' rule.

um. or so i've heard.

Rowan said...

the problems are here too.
A friend of mine really changed after a near death experienced where he was knifed.

Why you ask?

He was walking in the wrong place at the wrong time and didn't get out of the way of the thugs who requested that he did.

He had 27 punctures and he was never a nice sort of guy again, instead being a cynical jaded sort who I no longer could stand.

MHN for short said...

I may be wrong, but perhaps they should institute the death sentence to murderers and actually carry through. That would lower the numbers of people in the prisons.

Too hard core??? Sorry...

Kyahgirl said...

mhn! Bravo. I agree. Not the questionable cases, but the jerks that have definitely murdered or raped/pimped children should be humanely euthanized. We kill dogs for one bite eh?