Monday, September 12, 2005

The Ways of Righteousness



I am firmly of the opinion that the youth of today have things far too easy. They regard life as an endless succession of pleasurable experiences; their every whim to be catered for by their over protective and indulgent parents.

They need to be firmly taken in hand, and shown that this life is not intended to be an orgiastic delight of hedonistic pleasures. I have taken it upon myself to tutor young persons in the paths of righteousness, and adequately prepare them for the trials and tribulations which they will experience in later life.

I have begun my educational endeavours by introducing my 16 month old nephew, Conor John MacClean, to the concept of extreme culinary displeasure. At this tender age, the young persons tastebuds are at their most receptive to new flavours. What better time to introduce them to the delights of the pickled onion.

Above, you may observe the reaction of Conor John to his first encounter with the pickle onion.

I am highly satisfied with the outcome of this exercise. The grimace of pure pain on young Conor’s face bears testimony to the efficacy of my methodology.
I will continue to tutor the youth in the ways of righteousness. In time, I may be regarded as the new Dr Spock, and be consulted by anxious parents on the correct method of dragging up their pampered sprogs.

I will be only too happy to assist.

11 comments:

MHN for short said...

Funny. We used to do that with my neice Sarah, now 17. We used lemons. She's ask for some, we'd give it, she'd grimmace, we'd laugh, and she'd ask for more. She's still a bit of a ham!

pissoff said...

Dr Garfer. I like your style. I need help with potty training. When can you be here?

garfer said...

Lemons eh? Hadn't thought of that.

Potty training is simple. Strap 'em securely to the potty and don't let 'em go till they've done the business to your satisfaction.

Aginoth said...

We used Lemons for preference also, I suppose a Pickled Gherkin would work as well.

Wyndham said...

Using your nephew in an experiment which will cause him displeasure and discomfort, just for your own wicked ends! And blogging about it!

You're my kind of guy, Garfer.

Faltanus said...

woohoo!! i'm all for that Garf - this generation is blithely unaware of all the misery and discomfort that this world has to offer. we had to suffer - why shouldn't they?

keep up the good work!

MHN for short said...

Pickles work well. Lemons if you use them too much with strip the enamel off of their teeth. Use sparingly. :-)

Merkin said...

It looks to me from his face that young Conor has just failed stage 1 of the "Garfer Potty Training" course. Nothing to do with pickled onions! Next trick .... anchovies!

garfer said...

Anchovies, chicken vindaloo, jalapeno peppers, chilli con carne.
The permutations are endless.
I look forward to each and every one.

Sniffy said...

Excellent - he's the spitting image of one of the Munchkins from The Wizard of Oz.

Subtle, I know, and a bit pathetic too, but fizzy water has an excellent effect.

Rowan said...

awwww! How cute! Yes, we DO spoil children of today, really makes me sick, and yet, I have no choice as society demands that I must also be this way. I want to time travel to the Victorian era, kids were better then.