Tuesday, September 13, 2005

The Wicker Man 2 (The Travesty)

A Hollywood remake of cult British Classic, ‘The Wicker Man’, is currently in production in the United States.

Like many films which have subsequently attained cult status, The Wicker Man had inauspicious beginnings. A low budget effort, it was initially rejected for cinematic release, and only shown in a bowdlerised form in a limited run, tacked on as part of a double bill.

In the intervening decades since its release in 1974, the film has seeped into the popular consciousness through television screenings and subsequent VHS and DVD release. A firm favourite with students, it is held in affectionate regard by everyone aged between 20 and 50 who have been fortunate enough to see it.

Hollywood studios like nothing better than to seize upon a cult classic, and ‘reinterpret’ it. Reinterpretation generally entails:

  1. Shifting the location to America.

  2. Altering the nature of the principal characters out of all recognition.

  3. Changing plot lines and film endings as they deem appropriate.

The new movie is to star Nicholas Cage. Unlike the original, he will not be a repressed, free Presbyterian Scotsman, terrified by the danger posed to his soul by sensual neo paganism. He will be an American with a fatal allergy to bee stings. THAT’S RIGHT! The new version of The Wicker Man will include killer bees.
Presumably Nicholas will be paying more attention to his antihistamines and adrenaline injection kit than any threat to his mortal soul.

This pisses me off. I may be wrong, the film may be a triumph; but I’ve got a feeling that the producers are going for the mall rat demographic. These people don’t get existential angst; they need their horror to be served neat and simple: preferably with people being chased.

The original Wicker Man was a subtle film. It produced an increasingly unsettling sense of unease; culminating in a scene of utter horror.

Has Hollywood got the guts to eschew a happy or hopeful ending? I very much doubt it.


Sniffy said...

They CANNOT redo the Wicker Man. The Wicker Man is perfect, it can't be done in any other way.

I am horrified.

garfer said...

It's all true I'm afraid. Why couldn't they just remake 'On The Buses' or something.

Dan J Rouse said...

Nicolas Cage doesn't have a soul anyway.
As an actor he would make a damn fine Zombie.

Bring on the Killer Bees.

Wyndham said...

You're right, Holiday On The Buses is ripe for a remake. I may just buy me the rights and make a pile. Strangely enough, I can't see Nocholas Cage being burned alive at the end. I've got a feeling he may burst out with an enormous semi-automatic and KICK ASS!!!!!!!!!

Wyndham said...

You're right, Holiday On The Buses is ripe for a remake. I may just buy me the rights and make a pile. Strangely enough, I can't see Nocholas Cage being burned alive at the end. I've got a feeling he may burst out with an enormous semi-automatic and KICK ASS!!!!!!!!!

Herge Smith said...

Sounds brilliant!!!

The Wicker Man is hugely overated frankly.

You'd expect at the very least the Wicker man would come to life and start dishing out some poundings.

Remakes are the best!!! 98% shit. (There are a few notable exceptions however - and a tip for the remaker is to take something that wasn't all that great in the first place - e.g. Oceans Eleven and Battlestar Galactica).

garfer said...

I wish Speilberg would make a film version of Blake's Seven. Now that would be worth seeing.

MHN for short said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
MHN for short said...

And the dumbing down of America continues. I swear, hollywood couldn't make a genuine movie about soul searching to save their wallets, which to them is much more important than their souls.

Merkin said...

Nicholas Cage is the worst actor in Hollywood - he is truly abysmal. You might as well get Jade Goody doing the Christopher Lee character. Don't worry though - it'll sink without trace like most remakes.

PS You forgot one feature of Hollywood remakes - no one actually likes them second time round.

Rowan said...

I have never seen nor read the Wicker Man. Nicolas Cage is sure to ruin this (as I believe you it is good as it is) and I HATE it when hollywood ruins a good story "improving" it. Take Anne Rice's popular Vampire Novels. The movie adaptations are a mockery. If you liked the movies, and I suggest the book to you, however, chances are, you won't like it. Seems the type that likes the movie likes the mindless violence with no character development. God Bless hollywood, they're sure to do the same to your Wickerman.

becca said...

no edard oodard??? no fake britt butt?
What the fuck? Ok I am really pissed off now. The whole point of how great the Wicker Man is..the big presby virgin BBQ!!! If no one roasts in this new movie, I will stalk Nicolas Cage.
Killer bees my ass.

Herge Smith said...

Interesting enough (which always preceeds something mindnumbingly dull) but having recently watched Blake 7 series 2 (I was lent it - I'm no fan) I think the Beeb should do a Battlestar Galactica with it - make it really nails and hard edged - it was already pretty ahead of it's time (not in terms of acting and effects mind) as an anti-star trek group of people with all their own agendas and a vaguely disgused hatred of one another.

The way main characters would frequently be killed off is something Ron Moore of BSG said he's doing with his series.

I was only joking about the Wicker Man, it's ace.

Aginoth said...

What is this obsession with remakes

They are generally terrible, In evidence I present The Italian Job

On the Buses are you mad, I want to see George and Mildred the Movie, they could even do a sequel with Man about the House :o)

garfer said...

I'd love it if Jade Goody was given the Britt Ekland part. The sight of Jade dancing around in the nuddy would be extremely horrific.
Blakes 7 was excellent (in memory at least). Shame about the wobbly sets and crap effects. Avon made a good psycho and Servelan was creepily sexy. I liked the way they all got zapped in the final episode.
I quite like the idea of a horror version of 'Terry and June', or 'The Good life'.

Herge Smith said...

I was just thinking about My Dark Materials following that piece over at Faltanus and thought I'd mention that I'd heard (or read) on various movie sites that the 'about-to'go-into-production' version of Northern Lights would likely have the religious aspect removed.

So, it's not just remakes, it's all these shite adaptations as well.

garfer said...

Jesus wept.

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