Tuesday, December 06, 2005

Make mine a Seal Sandwich


More excellent news on the prospects for climate change. Apparently the flow of warm water brought to northern latitudes by the Gulf Stream has declined by 30%. Increased flows of glacial melt water into northern river systems are apparently disrupting normal current flows. Some of the Gulf Stream is diverting away from its usual course towards North West Europe and flowing towards Africa.

This will not prove completely disastrous if it persists, resulting in an average drop in mean temperatures of 1 degree Celsius over the next decade. More worryingly, if the Gulf Stream actually stops, those of us complaining of nippy mornings in wintertime Britain will shortly find ourselves queuing up for bollock warmers and thermal nipple protectors.

A 1 degree drop in temperature will just give us colder winters, with increased snowfalls. This would be no bad thing, as Scotland would develop a flourishing winter sports industry and I would be quids in. The full freeze scenario would give us a climate similar to Labrador or parts of Siberia. That would not be pleasant.

Should the worst transpire, I suppose we will have to rely on our colonial Canadian underlings for top tips on the correct approach to seal clubbing. They may even be able to provide us with a recipe for (first club your seal) barbequed cute fluffy little baby white seal cub fricassee served on a bed of boiled Inuit.

I may consider emigration to Canada. Apparently the Province of Alberta has oil reserves second only to Saudi Arabia. With all those petrodollars floating around Albertans will be able to keep themselves warm and toasty, and probably won’t have to eat clubbed seal very much at all. It’s definitely worth a thought.

9 comments:

Inexplicable DeVice said...

Hmmm... I think I'll move with you (not actually in with you, I hasten to add). I don't think I'd like clubbed baby seal. I imagine it's quite fatty...

garfer said...

Hello inexplicable device.
Tandoori baby seal might be ok. Then again, maybe not.

Herge Smith said...

I've got a nice brown duffel (sic) which i like to wear in the winter so I don't care if the temp drops a bit.

garfer said...

Does this coat of which you speak date from the Angry Chimp trainspotting years?

Herge Smith said...

What my rampant addiction to smack, years?

garfer said...

A casual toggle user can quite easily acquire a dangerous addiction.
It's a slippery slope.

Herge Smith said...

Ain't that the truth - those toggles are the same shape as 'pills' afterall .

As it happens, I'm toggle-less - I felt the toggs were a step too far.

pissoff said...

That's great. Where are you going to emigrate to garfer - Labrador. I hear they have a good supply of baby seals there.

garfer said...

Labrador would be a bit chilly for my liking. I suppose I could emigrate to Newfoundland, but I wouldn't be able to understand the locals.