Wednesday, October 12, 2005

20 T'ings Aboot Garfer

I am addicted to Tunnocks Teacakes.

I am addicted to kebabs (which are hard to come by where I live).

I was once a member of the Communist Party of Great Britain (for two weeks).

I fall in love with inappropriate and unattainable women (see P J Harvey and Tracey Emin).

I am not in love with, nor have I been in love with, THE ROCK.

I once had a bag of laundry blown up by the bomb squad. I wouldn’t have minded, but they were my favourite Y fronts

I believe that eviscerating all caravanners would be an act of immense benefit to all humanity.

When pissed I leave fuckwit comments on blogs. I also do it when sober, but not as often.

I am convinced that Herge Smith has been abducted by aliens.

I like to have a bit of a swear on my blog. Cussing clears the nostrils in a much more effective manner than nasal decongestants.

I am a pathetic physical coward, but I would make quite a good sniper.

I am male, therefore I like lists.

I think Jaguar cars (proper old ones) are sexy.

People who squeeze toothpaste from the wrong end of the tube are wasteful tossers.

I once met Kirsty Wark. She was a dwarf: but quite sexy as dwarves go.

I once read ‘War and peace’. Not that I can remember fuck all about it.

I think that all politicians are vainglorious wankers.

I believe that people who advocate euthanasia should be shot.

I would legalise all hard drugs, including Buckfast and Benylin.

I am convinced that Wyndham the Triifid is suffering from a temporary bout of bloggers block. I feel that his stinger will soon be back at its most lethal.


S.I.D. said...

My Kirsty's a dwarf??? Nooooooooo!

garfer said...

So is that wanker Paxman.

S.I.D. said...

Now that I can believe!I hate small men.Weasels

garfer said...

There is a conspiracy of dwarves out there. I think that the lanky Tracey and P J should take over and tell it like it is.

MHN for short said...

Herge has been abducted by aliens and has been replaced by a home decorator. Doing a damn fine job of it too! ;-)

Piggy and Tazzy said...

His stinger? Well, I've never heard it called that before!

And yes, Paxman is indeed a wanker.

*trots back out, stepping on and crushing a teacake on the way*

Wyndham said...

Can I just make it clear that it has never stung. In that sense. Ahem.

garfer said...

Thank you for your clarification on that point Wyndham

treacletrade said...

"Eviscerating" Congratulations on finding such a great word. My favourite words of the day are "Sub-Human Northern Scum".

Sniffy said...

Ahh, good old toilet-trader injects some intelligence into these comments.

Fucking tosser.

BigDov said...

Why does being male make you love lists ? Not disagreeing, as I love a good list, just a general pondering.

To disagree on one point slightly, being The Rock would be great !( apart from being called Dwayne, obviously)

garfer said...

The Rock is a meathead tosser. He should get a job as a nightclub bouncer, not inflict his hideousness upon us.

MHN for short said...

"I am male, therefore I like lists."

My mind registered this as:
"I am male, therefore I like "tits"." Brain gone, too much time spent with children!

S.I.D. said...

mhn,I thought the same at first,but was too polite to say.

garfer has Kirsty big tits for a dwarf?

garfer said...

Small but perfectly formed Coldearth.

Rowan said...

eviscerated is a word that I associate with liquid shit and therfore find disgusting.

garfer said...

It was a good choice of word. All caravanners are disgusting.

MHN for short said...

CCE~ I like to keep it real. Besides, my husband is a "chest nut", so I figure most guys are. ;-)